Animal Attribuites
by LmaoLoganLol
Summary: What happens when constant noises from the Science department force everyone to investigate? An unexpected experiment with... Animal ears? Komui's done it now... Fetch quests for the ingredients that they need to reverse this. Crackfic!
1. Komui's Science Experiment

Animal Attribuites~Chapter 1

Well, I don't own anything from here. Except the storyline. But not the characters, They belong to D. Grayman, and in no way shape or form do i own them. But if i did... oh, the possibilitys.

* * *

The first thing Kanda heard was a loud crash, followed by an immediate bang.

'What in gods name are they doing now' Kanda thought, as he rolled out of bed, pulled on some pants and boots, grabbed Mugen, and ran out into the hallway. Or rather, where the hallway SHOULD have been. In its steed, there was a thick wall of pinkish smoke that smelled heavily of, well, wet dog. Stunned, and now coughing up a storm, Kanda stumbled in the general direction of the noise. "I'm going to murder them. Every last one of them." Kanda mumbled.

This was, in fact, the 7th straight time he'd been woken up by some "Mysterious" noise from the science department. Personally, Kanda blamed Komui. The man was absolutely daft, and had some serious sister complex going on. It didn't help that he was an absolute mad man when it came to everything related to experiments. 'And robots' Kanda thought 'Damn those robots straight to robot hell. Or the scrap pile... whichever comes first'. He had now arrived at Komui's office. 'If i'm going to have to murder someone in cold blood, i'm going to do it at the root of all evil' Kanda thought evily. He didn't even bother with the meddlesome process of opening the door, he just cut it in half and kicked it down. "KOMUI START PLANNING YOUR FUNNERAL!" Kanda bellowed.

"Oh he sounds mad this time." Komui was currently whispering to his sister from behind his desk. "Lenalee be a dear, and go calm him down, would you?"

"Nii-san, why don't you come up from BEHIND THE DESK and explain something to us all, hmm?" Lenalee was referring to Allen and Lavi, who had just entered the office with Reever in tow. "And Kanda, stop being so dramatic, and put Mugen back in its sheath. Really now, killing anybody isn't going to solve everything all the time you know"

"Oh I will when I get an answer to why i've woken up a full 3 hours before i'm supposed to. Its been going on for an entire week now, and lets just say i'll be doing everyone a favour." Kanda pointed Mugen at Komui now, the tip resting near the base of his throat. "You have 10 seconds to explain my lack of sleep. Starting now. 10."

Lavi spoke up "Now, now Kanda, Lenalees right and you know it. So just put the sword down and we can all talk about this. I mean, your not the only one who hasn't slept for a week. I'll hold him for you later, but put the sword down."

"9"

Allen spoke now "BaKanda, put the sword away. Or is the ponytail too tight for your brain again?"

Miranda, Kory, and Marie all showed up in Komui's office now, drawn by the commotion that was happening. Miranda looking fearfully at Kanda, his sword, and Komui.

"8"

"Damnit Kanda, you can skewer him later, He's got way too much paperwork for him to die now" This was coming from Reever, gesturing to the stack of papers he had brought in when Lavi dragged him there.

"7"

"Oh great, dinner _and_ a show" This coming from Cross, with a glass in one hand and his gun in the other. "Now who do I have to shoot so I can go back to nursing this wine." He hadn't been woken by the noise, but rather trying to get more liquor from Klaud.

"6"

"Cross, thats a $500 scotch you've got there, so help me god if you spill even one drop you owe me." Klaud had entered the room now, shortly behind Cross. At her statement, Allen visibly paled. He knew that Cross wouldn't be the one who was going to pay off that debt. At this, Lenalee came over to comfort him."There there Allen, its all right. No ones going to force you to pay back the scotch." At this she glared at Cross, then to Kanda. "Kanda stop threatening Nii-san so Cross can go back to nursing his hangover."

"5"

"To be hungover requires me to stop drinking love" Cross again, now winking at Lenalee "Care to join? Klaud over here keeps rejecting me."

"4"

"Believe me, you think the man would stop insisting after so many rejections. And stop taking my stock of booze every time he runs out." That was Klaud. It was Bookman who lightly hit Cross in the back of the head, saying "Will you _please_ stop harrssing everything within a ten-mile radius? Its impeding duties. "

"3"

"R-Really Kanda, lets put down the sword and reasonably talk this out now, no need to prolong the counting, can somebody HELP ME HERE?!" Komui started to sweat a little, looking frantically around for somebody to stop the countdown.

"2"

"I really didn't want to bring this up now...but you've forced my hand, Kanda" Komui now looked slightly mad, and backed up to his desk, Kanda maintaining the blade at his throat.

"1"

Everything just kind of happened at the same time. Kanda backed his blade up so he could get a good swing at Komui. Miranda fainted from the excitement, Marie catching her, and proceeded to back away from the scene. Krory just looked around widely from Kanda to Komui, while Lenalee and Allen rushed forward to stop Kanda. Lavi, being closeest to Kanda, tried to tackle him to the ground, with Bookman just standing at the sidelines, observing quietly. It was Reever who saw Komui reach into his pocket to pull out a vial filled with some sort of swirling pink cloud, and it was Reever who saw what the Chiefs intentions where. This is where he panicked, yelled "EVERYBODY GET AWAY" and flung himself through the doorway, taking Cross and the scotch with him. Klaud, being behind Cross, was taken down as well. This happened only moments before, as Komui threw the vial in front of him. In turn, Kanda slicied it neatly in half before being taken down by Lavi, The vial exploding with a bang, spreading the pinkish cloud, now turned silver, around the entire room, engulfing those closest to it.

Afterwards, after the cloud had dissipated, Kanda raised his head from the floor, only to see his reflection in the sword.

"What. The. Hell. HAVE YOU DONE?!"

* * *

Ohh and what HAS Komui done? *smiles evilly* I might be posting the next chapter some time this week. So wait until then, lol. *Suspense*

So, this being my first story and all, please be nice(ish) in the reveiws. *puppy eyes* Pretty please? Reviews are like cookies, and are delicious, and chocolatey and i've forgotten where i'm going with this, but review!


	2. Extra Appendages

Hello Again! This is twice as many words as the previous chapter, so that's why it kinda took longer to post. I didn't know where to cut it off... D: Anyways, Enjoy!

Don'y own , only the story. (Do i really need to put this in every single chapter?)

* * *

Kanda was still staring open mouthed at his reflection. "What the hell have you DONE Komui?!" It was a good question, seeing as staring back at Kanda in the reflection, was still Kanda, but with slightly more … ears then before. On top of his head were a pair of fuzzy cat-like ears, the same deep midnight blue as his hair, except they turned into a pitch black at the tips. He felt them on top, like they've always been there, and he twitched them experimentally. "That's it. You've gone too far this time. The kid forms were stretching it, but you've really crossed the line now. And i'm going to kill you." Stating that, Kanda tried to push himself up from the floor, only to find out that Lavi still had him pinned to the ground. "Now Yu, we can't just keep killing people on a whim."

"Shut it baka usagi. And I told you not to call me that. Shouldn't you be, oh I don't know, being a bookman and _observing_ this instead of impeding me stabbing Komui into unrecognizable pieces?!" At that, Komui gulped and stepped behind his desk, thankful for the fact that Lavi was overpowering Kanda for the moment.

"Well, Yu-chan, seeing as Komui is awful important and losing him would be a tad bit more trouble then having the satisfaction of him being stabbed into, what did you say? Unrecognizable pieces? Yu really paints with words, doesn't he. Anyway, but the fact is, loosing him would be a pain. And really, will ya stop struggling already?" He was talking about the futile attempts that Kanda was making at escaping. "I swear Lavi, when I get out of this your going to be the second person i'm going to stab today. And for the last time MY NAMES KANDA.!"

"Oh? I hadn't noticed. Do you spell that with a Y-U? Maybe with a -chan?"

"Lavi your going to be the the one that starts the slaughter of the Black order. Stop provoking Kanda. At the rate you two are going, we're going to need to tie him up for him to listen. Oh and nice ears by the way. They really " *snicker* "Suit you." This was coming from Lenalee, who had been observing the boys fight for quite awhile, before deciding to bring an end to it. She was also currently giggling like a madman.

"Ears...? What—oh." Lavi had just reached upwards to feel his. "Huh. They kinda feel like bu-" Kanda took the opportunity of Lavi inspecting his new appendages and threw him off. He then grabbed mugen and started swinging widely around, aiming for Komui. Well, trying to aim for Komui. His vengeance killing spree was interrupted by Allen activating his crown clown. Wrapping the tendrils around Kanda, he kept him in place so Reever could tie rope around the crazed swordsman, and take mugen away, putting it safley out of reach by chucking it over his shoulder.

"Paperwork." Reever stared at Kanda, enunciating the word. "If he dies, i'm going to have to fill them out. So let me make this clear, He dies, You die, and then i'm burning the place down so I can have no witnesses. Understood?" Reever looked slightly crazed himself at the prospect of the paperwork. "Well, glad to see there's so much love for the Chief" Komui stated dryly. "Really i'm going to tear up. Also, maybe we could keep the throwing of the sharp implements down to a minimum, hmm?" He pointed to Mugen, which had lodged in the bookshelf above his head, pinning his beret to the shelf. "I mean, i'm all for the fact of Reever doing the paperwork, but do we really have to kill an innocent bystander to make it happen?"

"Not now Komui, or I swear Kanda will '_accidentally_' get loose. Again. "

"Well, Reever, when you put it like that..."

He was cut off by Lenalee's shriek. She had happened across a mirror, and was looking in horror at the ears on her head. They too, were cat-like in apperance, and the same general green-black colour as her hair. She also was holding her newly sprouted tail in her hands, the same colour as the ears, but gradually darker near the end. She slowly turned around, and had an aura of black surrounding her.

"Oh my dear sweet Lenalee, what happened too you?!" Komui was wailing as he took in the site of his new little sister.

"Komui you moron, you did. Not even one hour ago, you did that." Reever sighed.

"Ah. Right." The collective audience groaned. Komui really outdid himself in stupidity sometimes.

"Nii-san..." She said it really softly. Everyone gulped, because frankly she's terrifying when she's angry. "Fix this. Fix this _now._" Her tail lashed angrily against her legs as she started taking steps twords her brother.

"W-w-well Lenalee, you see t-this was j-just a test e-e-experiment I was working o-on , s-so I don't r-really have an a-antidote f-for it y-yet." Komui looked like he was about to wet himself, so fearful of Lenalee who was slowly advancing twords him. " I see. Well nii-san, looks like Reevers going to have to do that paperwork." She activated her innocence. "WALTZY WI-" She was abrubtly cut off as Allen, still in crown clown form, wrapped her up in tendrils, stopping her attack on Komi. "Now why don't we sit down and talk about this. Komui, care to explain?" Allen looked darkly at Komui, while Reever was busy restraining Lenalee and setting her down on the couch next to the Kanda and Lavi, Kanda being also tied down with rope.

* * *

"Bookman, are to join us or are you just going to stand in the back all day?"

"Well Komui, seeing as the couch is already occupied, I think I 'll just stay back here." Occuppied the couch was. It had Lavi on one end, keeping a close eye on Kanda so he wouldn't try to escape his ropes, and next to Kanda was Lenalee, also in the same rope-predicament. Allen was on the other end, keeping eye on Lenalee, still in Crown Clown but with the mask and hood off. Just in case someone tried to escape the room. They suspected Komui the most. Measures were taken, and now Komui was currently handcuffed to Reever. Both were sitting on Komui's desk, staring at the changes made to those in front of them. They wern't really drastic changes, but changes non-the-less.

Allen had grown a pair of dog ears, in the shape of border collie ones, which were, again, the same silverly colour as his hair. He also sported a border collie-ish tail the fanned over the armrest beside him, also the same silver. Lenalee was still sporting her cat ears and tail. Lavi had grown a set of crimson red bunny ears. The same colour as his hair, like the others, and on further inspection, had grown a fluffy cotton-like tail, the bloodred colour as his ears and hair. Kanda beside him still had the now-identifies wolf ears and accompanying tail, tied against his leg in case he tried anything violent with it. Nobody knew what he could do with the tail yet, but they still weren't taking any chances. This _was _Kanda after all. People still remembered and feared what he did to Lavi after Lavi braided his hair.

Bookman was still in the back, and hadn't been spared from the smoke either. He acquired a set of panda ears, which had been the source of Lavi's amusement for about half an hour. It still was, in fact, and he couldn't keep himself from laughing every time he turned to look at Bookman. He was spared a tail, being that he had only minor exposure to the smoke from staying near the back for the entire time.

"You know, Komui, this is going on your record." This was coming from Link, who had joined the party a little late after being in the cafeteria writing up his report for Lvellie. He was situated by Allen, keeping partial eye on him as well. The rest of the people had been ushered out of the office, being spared from the smokes effects. They thought Krory had also acquired something animalistic, but he had been wrapped up in his exorcist cloak, which he pulled up over his head so he wouldn't see Komui being, well, carved up by Kanda. Cross had followed Klaud in the hopes of getting some drinking time with her, and Marie headed off to the Head nurse to see if she could help Miranda's state of faint.

"Going on your record along with five hundred and eighty seven other mis-demenors." It really was a wonder how Komui kept his job. Komui cleared his throat. "Now then, for the past 7 days, we here at the science depa—OW" Reever had jabbed Komui sharply in the side. "Fine then. For the past 7 days _i've_ been trying to create a substance that could be used to bring out the more "Animilistic" side of people. It enhances your ' inner animal' and in turn gives you, how should I put this. Uh, it gives you some characteristics of that animal. We've already seen the 'outer' affects of this, the ears and tails, but what i'm more concerned about is how its going to affect the 'inner'."

"And just what do you mean by this, Komui?" Kanda look a little apprehensive.

"I think he means that we're not only going to take on the outer appearance of animals, but we might start acting like them. Right Komui?" Komui nodded at this. Lavi started to explain it a little bit more."If that's the case, then that means things are going to get a hell of a lot more interesting. Lets see... Komui can you pass me Mugen for a sec?"

"Don't you dare touch my sword, Baka usagi or I swear when I get it back i'm going to chop off your feet and hang them above my door." Kanda alternatively glared between Komui and Lavi, silently daring them to piss him off just a tad bit more. "Just pass me the damn thing already, would ya?" Komui complied and passed the now sheathed mugen over to Lavi. "There we go, now lets try this." He got off the couch and turned to face Allen. "See the stick boy? Allen want the stick? Yes he does, yes he does! Now FETCH!" Lavi threw the stick across the room and out of the door, where it smashed off the wall and fell down to the ground.

"...I seriously doubt you value your life anymore Lavi. And I also doubt that the Moyashi is stupid enough to—" He was cut off by Allen running by on all fours, his crown clown deactivated, and his tail wagging madly in the air. He retrieved the make-shift stick and brought it to Lavi, placing it by his feet and sitting on the ground by it. Everyone just looked at Allen, who was looking up at Lavi a little bit furiously. "Godamnit Lavi don't you try that again. Not only is it demeaning but unlike Kanda i'm not tied up so I can still kick your a-" Lavi threw Mugen again. "GO GET IT BOY!" And Allen did, running after the sword again and leaving it by Lavi's feet. "DAMNIT LAVI WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" Lavi smiled and just picked Mugen up again. "God boy, go sit down now." He patted Allen's head as Allen got up, smacked Lavi upside the head and went to go sit down next to Lenalee again. Kanda was still staring at Lavi, as if contemplating the best way his feet would look by his door. "Now then, seeing as I just proved that right, then Lenalee would be prone to string as well. I'd prove this, but Komui's still in the room and I really don't want to risk untying her. Really, its for the benefit of us all." He turned back to Allen." Puppy want a treaty? Huh? Does the little puppy want a treaty?"

"I'm going to kick you into next Thursday if you don't stop with the dog things." After saying that, Allens stomach growled loudly. They'd been discussing this for over 2 hours now, and every one simultaneously agreed that they needed some serious breakfast. "Someone better keep an eye on Komui. Actually, Reever just stay handcuffed to him. I mean, whats the worst that can happen if you watch him?" Lavi said the comment over his shoulder as he left the office along with Allen and the now untied Lenalee and Kanda.

* * *

HAH! Second chapter complete. I was re-reading the first one over, and i saw that i had Lavi call Kanda Kanda, instead of Yu. So that was a little mistake on my part, lol. I decided to give Lenalee the cat things, because she meowed for an entire day once. Can't quite remember the chapter, but still.

Lavi was obviously going to be a bunny. I mean, come ON. Baka usagi, for those who don't know, is stupid rabbit. Lavi gets called that a lot by Kanda. should also state that Moyashi means beansport. Something Kanda calls Allen. Allens a dog because i really couldn't resist someone getting him to act like one. I'm thinking maybe tricks for the next chapter...? Lol. Oh, and Kandaa a wolf. Because? I don't know, but the boys a wolf. I really didn't think he could be something like, oh i dunno, a fish maybe? That would have been hard to explain. And i just really couldn't resist Bookman getting something panda-like. But that's the extent of Bookman being a panda, i think.

Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter, which will be posted sometime in the next 10 days. I'm not sure, i've got a lot of things to do other then make Allen roll over and beg. And remeber, Reveiws are like rainbows and candy and are very neat things so reveiw~~! :3


	3. A Cure?

Whaaa? Another update? Indeed fellow people indeed. I'm having some serious plot bunny capturing problems, so for now enjoy fan fiction fillers. Is there such a thing? Well, there is now!

* * *

The walk to the cafeteria was like one collective gasp from everyone who set eyes on the 4. It had gotten to the point of being interrupted every few steps to be asked what happened, that Kanda just started flat out growling at anyone who came near them. They got the hint, and when they arrived at the cafeteria, almost everyone at the Black Order knew that A) Komui had done it again, and B) Too much exposure to the four invoked some serious fantasies and bloody noses.

They all sat down and ordered their usual meals, and tried to figure out what to do next. Lavi began first. "Well, now that we know we posses some type of animal, I say we spend the next 30 minutes trying to teach Allen to beg." Allen didn't look amused, "And when will I use that, Lavi? Maybe it will come in handy when I beg the Akuma to shoot you while I hold you down. Do you think then, it might work?" Lavi winced. Allen had the same look on him when someone mentioned debt or poker, ripping off a piece of his mitarashi dango like it was Lavi's head. Lenalee spoke up "Since we don't know how far Nii-san has gone this time, I think we should just act as normal, and wait for him to create something that will get rid of these... 'extra appendages'. I mean, they can't ALL be bad, right?" Kanda just looked up from his soba noodles. "I feel the excessive need to go outside and start howling. Its not even nighttime, and I want to go howl. If Komui doesn't fix this soon, i'm going to commence the stabbing. Actually," Kanda pushed up from the table "I'm going to go finish what I started." Lavi grabbed Kanda by his tail and pulled him back down. Kanda, in turn, went face to face with Lavi and bared his teeth, growling. "Don't you EVER do that again, you hear me Baka usagi?" Lavi just nodded meekly. "I said, DO YOU HEAR ME?" Lavi grinned, saying "I think this is the rabbit speaking, but Yu looks so cute I kinda just wanna take you behind the counters and-" The rest of Lavi's sentence was buried as Kanda pushed his face down into his yakiniku. Timmy, who was passing by their table, spoke up questioningly. "Take him behind the counters and what?" Lenalee was quick to cover. "Oh, you know, probably to fight. Yea, fighting." Timothy just nodded and walked off to the head nurses office.

"He's turning into Cross, I just know it." Allen looked slightly insane. "It's the red hair. Its gotta be the red hair. No one else can be that much of a gigolo without having some sort of connection."

"Allen, he's not another Cross. It's just the rabbit in him." Lenalee was speaking in soothing tones to Allen, who was proceeding to rock back and forth on the bench. "Just the rabbit... it's just the rabbit..." Allen was muttering to himself in low tones. Lenalee turned back to the group. "Poor Allen... thats some serious trauma from Cross right there. I wonder how this happened..." Lavi and Kanda just kinda looked at Lenalee a little bit funny. "Its Cross." Kanda finally said. "Do you _really_ want to know what happened?" Lenalee sighed, "I suppose not."

After eating, They all headed in their seperate directions. Kanda went to go train, Lavi went towards the library for some Bookman training, and Allen and Lenalee took some coffee to the science department, wanting to ask some more of the effects.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO CURE?!" Lenalee was flipping out at Johnny, who for the most part was cowering behind a large stack of test papers. Allen was busy sniffing everything in the science department, being yelled at by the occasional scientist to keep his legs down.

"W-well you see, Komui had taken some of everything related to animals in the lab here, and mixed it all together. W-we thought we destoyed everything related after the ghost incident, but apparently some of them got overlooked, and well..." Johnny gulped, letting his sentence drop off. Lenalee, on the other hand, looked like she was about to rain seven different kinds of hell upon the scientist. Reever causally walked over with Komui still chained to him, a long piece of paper in his hands. "Now, we never said there wasn't a cure. You just assumed that after he told you it was nigh impossible to get all the items required to undo the effects."

"Damnit Reever, you know its impossible to get all of them before the next full moon, which is why there's no DAMN CURE." Lenalee sounded exasperated.

"There's no 'damn cure' yet, because you haven't tried to think about this."

Allen had finished sniffing everything and entered the conversation. "Cure? We have a cure? Great! Now can we have it before I succumb to the urge of humping every leg in a 3 mile radius?"

"No Allen, we can't because we don't have the ingredients for it yet. Actually, we may never get them by the full moon, and we may never have the chance to go back to normal." Lenalee was almost in tears now. Allen looked puzzled, looking from Reever, to Komui and back again. Johnny had left the conversation, fleeing behind Cash. "What Lenalee means is that theres about a grand total of 72 ingredients needed to counter affect everything that went into the potion that Komui created. At least, 72 ingredients and counting, if Komui didn't miss anything."

"You wound me Reever, I made sure to log everything down just in case I wanted to replicate it if everything went well. Which it did, but since some of you"

Lenalee interrupted. "All of us"

"Fine, all of you disliked"

She interrupted again. "Hate with a fiery passion"

"FINE. Hate with a fiery passion, then I had no choice but to give Reever all of my notes."

"That is, all of the notes we found near his desk of paper-work horror." Reever grumbled. "Anyway, but there's around 15 super-hard to get things that we don't already have here. So its either you guys go out and find them for us, or stay like this. Permanently." Lenalee gasped, "THEN WHAT ARE WE DOING CHATTING?" She grabbed the list and started to read. Allen looked over her shoulder. "Huh, that shouldn't be too hard. The first 5 ingredients are just a lock of our hair. We can get that easily, let me go get Kanda and Lavi real quick." Allen ran out of the room, and Lenalee looked up from the list. "Alright, i'll need information of how and where to get everything on this list." She attached it to a clipboard. "Preferably before I take after Kanda and start bashing everyone's heads in." The entire science division gulped and scrambled to get her the information she needed.

* * *

"Alright, everyone's here, now lets get started." Reever was addressing the group assembled. It consisted of Lavi, Kanda ,Allen, Lenalee and Komui. The hair they collected from the 4 and Bookman was braided neatly and stored in a vial next to the quickly growing pile of ingredients. Reever started to talk. "We have a list, and we have the information that we need to acquire them all. The thing is, normally I'd divide them all up evenly and you could just go yourselves, but the reason that the science division never got around to getting them, is that its not only extremely dangerous, but it requires an array of skill sets. Which means that you all have to go together, and do it all before the next full moon, which is about 2 weeks away,"

"2 weeks and 3 days, starting tomorrow."

"Er... thanks Lavi. Which leaves us about under 2 days to get each item-"

"About 1 day and 7 hours to be precise."

"Lavi. Stop that. I'm talking, damnit."

Lavi just grinned. "Anyway, so if we try to do a circuit, like creating a path in which we could acquire everything and then wind up back here, then that be just fantastic. Everybody understand?" Everyone nodded. "Excellent. Since we here at the black order believe that every myth, fable, story and legend is true, you've got quite a ways to go before you collect everything we need." Reever smiled. "Anyone have any questions?" Everyone raised their hands. "Excellent, meet back here in 3 hours with everything you need, and i'll send you off to your first location." He then walked off with Komui being dragged behind him, still attached via handcuffs.

* * *

HA. I've done research for once. Favourite foods. Mythological things. How many hours are in 17 days divided into 10 objects. And for those of you who don't get the counter reference, breed like rabbits. I'll leave you to figure that out. *Pats on head. I'm thinking about doing a chapter for each item. Yes? No? Bacon? Review if you please, and if any of you out there know a mythical object, please do tell me it, the origin, and where it is in the world. er... I mean... I have all of the 10 objects already... er... *nervous laugh. So yes, lend me your smarts! :D and I shall feed upon them and deliver it into the next chapter. I think i'm going to start naming chapters now. Hmm...

Edit* I completely forgot to edit this one sentence. 2, actually, but if you've every wondered why there was just a B near where Reever talks, its been fixed now. :3 Carry on!


	4. Tentacle of a Kraken

Hello! Its been... not that long since i've last updated. I don't know, summer just kinda seems to blend into one thing for me. :3 Anyway, enjoy this update, and its obscure dirty minded references. All i could think about while typing this was a) wow i hope i don't have to change the rating, and b) naaaah, its all good if i keep it obscure... right?

* * *

After gathering everything they needed for the trip, everyone gathered near the gates of the black order, waiting for Reever to show up. They didn't wait long, and soon both he and Komui appeared. Reever carried a small stack of papers, and Komui carried a small suitcase. As they reached the group, Lavi spoke up " Wait, where's old man Panda?"

* * *

Somewhere in the Black Order, Bookman sneezed, then snapped at the nearest scientist. "I'M NOT A PANDA!" Johnny gulped. "But we never said you were..."

* * *

Reever, a bit muffled behind the papers, answered "He had to stay behind. He was more needed here then going off with you guys. Keep in mind, it's not like we can spare more then we already have." Lavi nodded, and Allen spoke a bit puzzled. "What's with the papers? And the suitcase? Weren't we supposed to travel light?" Reever set down the papers and grabbed the suitase from Komui's hands. "Well in the suitcase.." He was speaking while opening it. " Is all the things your going to need to get the things." Lenalee peered inside the case. "Do we really need all of this? I mean... this one just looks like a blow up doll." Reever grinned. "Well that's cause it IS a blow up doll. And your going to need it for item #1." Lenalee looked around for the list, and snatched it from Kanda's hand. "A tentacle from a Kraken. What's a blow up doll supposed to accomplish?"

"Its a blow up doll dressed in a bunny suit, actually. Its the best thing we could think of as bait for it. We would have used you, Lenalee but..." Komui looked like he was going to kill. "YOUR NOT TOUCHING MY SWEET LENALEE YOU LECHEROUS SQUID!

"Aaaaand that's why we used a blow up doll instead." Reever finished, looking around. "Any questions?" They all raised there hands, with the exception of Allen, who was still trying to stop the blood flowing from out of his nose from the thought of Lenalee in a bunny-suit. "Excellent, here's the information on all of the things your going to need, and we'll see you in about 2 weeks."

"2 weeks and 3 days."

"Lavi, now is not the time."

And with that, they sent off the exorcists, who were trying to revive Allen who had fainted from blood loss.

"... Do you really think their going to get it all before then, Komui?"

"Well sure! I mean, how hard can it be."

Reever rolled his eyes, before receding back into the building. "I just hope they know how to use what we gave them..."

* * *

"Mkay, so apparently the 'Legendary Kraken' is supposed to be around here somewhere. Yu-chan, can you pass me the bait?"

"ITS KANDA, DAMNIT. And how the hell is a blow up doll supposed to catch us a Kraken?"

Lavi shrugged "I don't know, nothing Bookman every taught me has prepared me for this moment. Why don't we ask Lenalee? I mean, it WAS Komui who was a part of putting this... this _thing_ together for us." He was gesturing towards the suitcase, filled with anomalies to the brim. Kanda smirked. "Lenalee hasn't stopped freaking out every time water touches her. It seems to be a hassle, cause I think she's trying to catch a fish." They both turned to see her running to the side of the boat, leaning down to swipe her hand at a fish. She then shrieked at the water touching her, her tail fluffing up, before she ran to the other side of the boat, repeating the process. Kanda sighed, before turning back to Lavi. "Really, if it wasn't for her being a girl, and the fact that I don't hate her like I do the rest of you people, I'd skewer her up for bait so I could finally murder Komui." Lavi gulped and slowly backed away from Kanda. He was giving off a death aura, and had a glare on his face that had once rumored to kill one of the finders. Looking at that face, Lavi decided to go ahead and mark that rumor as a fact. He was just about to call over Lenalee so she could string up the blowup doll, when she suddenly screamed. Kanda and Lavi bother rushed forwards to see what was wrong, when they saw a tentacle wrapped around her ankles. It was then, that the Kraken decided t show itself, rising out of the water as well as taking Lenalee along with it. She was now dangling upside down from the Kraken, trying in vain to keep her skirt down.

This was when Allen burst through the doorway and started an immediate nose bleed. "Oh no you are NOT going to faint again." Saying that, Kanda grabbed Lavi's scarf and made a noose from it, before tightening it across Allens nose. Allen started to make muffeled sounds, before Lavi ripped his scarf off of him. "Damnit Kanda this things goddamn cashmere. CASHMERE! Bloods never going to get out of it now..." Allen, who's nose was now being shoved with cotton, gasped. "What now, Moyashi? Can't you see we need to get Lenalee away from that... that _thing._"

"Shut it BaKanda, I've seen enough of Cross's books to know where this is headed. And its not going to be pleasant, either way." Saying that, Allen rushed forwards, activating his crown clown, and ripping the sword from his arm. Kanda followed closely behind, Mugen at the ready, as Lavi, now without his scarf, smashed the tentacles on the ship, keeping them at bay.

Meanwhile, in the air, Lenalee was, in vain, trying to activate her own innocence. "Damn... ACTVATE! …... I'm your host, dammit, now ACTIVAITE!" The Kraken, now getting annoyed at the paper cuts Kanda and Allen were dealing it below, swung Lenalee around its head. She shrieked, and started to scream again "SAVE ME! But don't look at me!" Modesty with a giant squid never turns out well. On the deck below her, Allen grumbled. "That's impossible, we can't save her without looking at where she is. Damn female modesty!" Kanda, on the other hand, had unleashed his second release, dealing twice the damage. He and Allen jumped from tentacle to tentacle, reaching the one that held Lenalee suspended in the air, before combining there attacks to slice the tentacle clean off, leaving Lenalee to land on Lavi, the tentacle falling to the deck beside them. It writhed for a bit before coming to a complete still, and the Kraken, now severely angered, raised itself for another attack. "Uhh, I think you guys made it mad." Lavi gulped, and went to attack it. Well, they all attacked it; Lavi used a fire seal, Kanda used his hell-insects, Allen used Cross Grave, while Lenalee, Her innocence finally activated, used Waltzy Winds. This all combined into a massive attack, that hit the Kraken full on, blowing it clear out of the water, making it disappear into the sky with a twinkle.

"...Huh. That didn't seem very realisti-" Allen was cut off by the boat lurching forward, suddenly free of the Krakens grasp.

"Well, now that that's over, we can finally move on to the Cavern of the Balrog!"

"... That's just going to be twice as difficult Lavi. We don't even know if it exists, let alone where it could be."

"Stop raining on my parade, Yu."

* * *

I know, i know, it doesn't seem like a very long chapter. Even reading over it, i was thinking to myself 'wow that's short.. better slot in a pun about Allen being a dog' but he got the nosebleed treatment instead. What? no, i'm not pairing Lenalee and Allen... yet. lol no, better keep it a short fic. Anyway, in regards to FFA i was planning on making a rabbits foot one of the items. But know i'm thinking more about a cursed rabbit doom thing going on. Thanks for that! Lol, anyway, I've got about half of the next chapter typed up, so expect it to make an appearance sometime this week. Heck, i might just do weekly ... Thats not that shabby an idea. Not shabby indeed...Oh and review! Always review. Its magical sunshine that makes thinking random things up easier. :3 And thanks to all of the people who've reviewed so far! :D its like Christmas, but in August. Such is the excitement of a review.


	5. Tooth of a Barog

Hello! Its been awhile, no? Heh... so very sorry about the delay, hopefully it won't happen again... more on this after the chapter, so do enjoy!

* * *

The ship, sustaining heavy damage from the last fight with the Kraken, limped into port of the seaside city of Rodrom. "Careful guys... we can't just walk into Rodrom. Panda told me that the locals are hostile towards tourists..." Just as Lavi spoke, a group of pitchfork wielding people gathered around the dock. They also had torches, the flames rising high. It had slowly become darker as they tried to anchor the ship near the dock. "Hey, maybe they're just really friendly, and are here to welcome us!"

"What are you, stupid Moyashi? They have pitchforks. That's the first sign of hostility."

"Shut it, BaKanda, maybe they were just out in the fields, you know, farming... or something."

"Then explain the torches. That's the ultimate combination for people that don't want anyone in their village. Pitchforks and torches."

"Well... I mean... it _is_ dark out now, so maybe they needed some light to see where they were going... you know, so they wouldn't trip and fall. On the pitchforks. Cause they're farmers and stuff."

"..." Kanda sighed heavily "You know what? I think that you think that they're here to greet us, because _you're_ their Village Idiot. That makes perfect sense... and maybe when we encounter the _next_ village, that will be the time that Lavi's the Village Idiot for _them. _And to be fair, we're just going to have to leave you all with your respective villages." Kanda smiled gleefully. "It's like Christmas without having to endure Tiedoll's hand-knitted sweaters."

While they bickered, the villagers had done 2 things. First, they had launched all their pitchforks toward the boat, some landing on the deck, some impaling themselves into the hull, causing it to tear. The second, was that they launched half their torches into the sky. It looked like the rapture was upon them, seeing all the fiery things heading towards them. This also set the boat on fire. That, combined with the sinking ship, seemed a bit overkill. Allen and Kanda, of course, didn't notice their surroundings until Lavi spoke up.

"Uh, guys, really hate to interrupt, but the mass of villagers have... how should I put this, WE'RE SINKING! EVERY EXCORCIST FOR THEMSELVES!" With that, Lavi grabbed the handle of his hammer, and extended it towards the rocky beach shore. On further inspection, near the end of it was a rocky cave, about 10 feet off the ground, with an almost sheer climb to reach it. Kanda and Allen gulped. There was no way either of them could reach it without having the help of either Lavi or Lenalee. Then they noticed Lenalee activate her Dark Boots and jump off the side, only to fly towards the cave. "Sorry guys... I can't carry anyone, let alone 2 people... er, how should I put this... meet you at the cave! And good luck!" She shouted the last part, flying father and farther away from the rapidly sinking flaming ship. "... Great. Just great. We can't swim or row away, the ship will just drag us down with it. We can't stay here for safety, we'll get burned to a crisp. Drowning while on fire.. tch, how ridiculous. Wait..." Kanda had suddenly noticed Lavi's hammer, still attached on the deck of the ship. "Well Moyashi, I'd say it was nice knowing you, but it really wasn't." He then started to run towards the hammer, and at once Allen understood his intentions. "No. You are NOT saving yourself, dammit BaKanda, what happened to being comrades?"

"I never stated we were, Moyashi. You heard what the rabbit said, every exorcist for themselves. Unfortunately for the rabbit, and fortunately for me, I'm going to hitch a ride by the time he retracts his hammer."

"Why's that unfortunate for Lavi?"

"Because when I get there, I'm going to beat Lavi to a nice, tenderized pulp. And then I'm going to make a flambayed rabbit, served with rabbit stew and rabbit sauce. Courtesy of ... well, I think you can guess."

Allen gulped. He had already guessed, but wondered how a fried rabbit-Lavi stew would taste. Probably funny. "Well then, quite hogging the handle, dammit!" Allen had already reached the hammer, and was referring the way Kanda was wrapped around it. "Shut it, Moyashi. I don't want to fall off the damn thing."

"Well, then, move up! I'm not dying before I've have supper. And seconds. And dessert. Screw it, I'm too young to die, now it's either you move up, or I'm going to sit on your head!"

* * *

By the time Lavi had reeled his hammer in, he found Allen wrapped around the pole above Kanda, kind of sitting on his head. Kanda hadn't stopped insulting the boy, and threatened to slice him up if he crushed his ears anymore.

"Well, I'm glad we could all be together again, and-" Lavi was cut off by both Allen and Kanda activating their innocence. Allen grabbed Lavi's ears, and hoisted him off the ground, while Kanda had Mugen at Lavi's throat. Both had murderous intent in their eyes. Both were making low growling noises.

"Don't you ever" They were speaking at the same time, in a low tone "EVER leave me stranded on a flaming, sinking ship with just _him_" The gestured to each other "For company!" Lenalee was wisely backing away from the scene, almost entering the cavern behind her. That was her first mistake. She tripped over a rock, and fell straight down into a cobweb situated near a corner of the entrance. Her second mistake was when she flailed her arms, screaming bloody murder. This seems like a reasonable reaction, being a spider web and all, but it woke up the something terrible within the cavern. This is when things started to go relatively downhill. Something started to echo around the cavern, gradually getting louder and louder until it was apparent that something had roared. And it did _not _sound happy.

Everyone visibly paled, Lenalee had temporarily forgotten the spider web as she jumped to her feet and ran like a bat from hell to hide behind Allen. "What… what _was_ that just now?"

"Well, Lenalee, judging from it's, um, tone of roar, I'm going to assume that's what we're looking for, and it's definitely not in the mood for a dentist appointment."

Lavi then picked up the list of ingredients, and then looked around expectantly at Kanda.

"What? What do you want, baka usagi?"

"The suitcase. According to Reever, item #25 should help us with this."

Kanda set the suitcase down, opened it, and started rummaging through it. After a few seconds, he drove his hand in and pulled out a giant pair of tweezers, with a blow dart attached to the side.

"…..What. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO USE THIS?" He was currently waving the tweezers around, before trying to shove it back into the suitcase, albeit unsuccessfully.

Unfortunately, Lavi never got to answer Kanda's question, because climbing the almost sheer rock wall was the pitchfork toting villagers, complete with their ever persistent torches, casting an almost eerie glow about the rock. The group never heard them coming, and they had almost reached the top where the four were, and someone in the immense crowd threw a pitchfork. It landed about 2 feet from where they currently were. Allen gulped. "Well, I don't think we have much of a choice about where we can go now." Another pitchfork had landed beside Kanda, who was struggling to tie close the suitcase. "Oh that's it, they're getting it now." Kanda had stood up, brushed the dirt off his coat, and unsheathed Mugen. Lenalee bolted forward and grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Kanda don't! We can't harm anyone! Besides, their just innocent villagers who—" She was cut off by in of the pitchforks landing overtop of her shoe, keeping it in place. "These…." She started to slowly "These are MY FAVOURITE SHOES. AND YOU JUST _SCRATCHED THE ITALIAN LEATHER!"_ Her voice caused some of the villagers to stumble, and Allen swore that one of them ran away. She pulled the pitchfork from her shoe, and started to charge at the villagers, wielding it above her head. Allen quickly looked to Lavi, both of them nodding, before Allen rushed forward to grab Lenalee, and Lavi tackled Kanda for the third time this week, pinning him to the ground.

"Damnit Yu, stop struggling, we don't have time to clean up the mess of a mass murdered village!"

Whatever Kanda was going to say next was muffled by the ground, and Lavi had pushed his head against it, narrowly escaping the pitchfork that caught Kanda's ponytail. Had his head not been so smushed into the dirt, Lavi seriously doubted Kanda would still have been alive to kill him for shoving his face down.

"Everyone, make a run for the cave!" Allen shouted at them, before swinging Lenalee over his shoulder, and dodging pitchforks as he ran towards it. "What do they have, and endless supply of the damn things?" Lavi was muttering under his breath as he hauled Kanda up from the ground.

"If you think for just even _one second_ that you're throwing me over your shoulder like some prissy girl in need of saving, then—" Kanda was cut off yet again as Lavi hoisted him up over his shoulder, and made a mad dash for the cave, following Allen as he dodged the pitchforks, which now littered the ground around them. Kanda was fuming, and was almost dead set on the perfect place where he could hang Lavi's feet.

* * *

As soon as they made it safely inside the cave, Lavi dropped Kanda, activated his hammer, swung it, and caused rocks to fall down, effectively blocking the villagers from entering the cavern, save for a couple of pitchforks and a torch that were throw in before the rocks fell. He turned to Kanda, and the moment he did, Kanda took a swing at him, knocking Lavi to the ground. Lavi, stunned, looked up at him, who was smirking with the satisfaction of his knuckles throbbing painfully. "You deserved that, baka usagi. And look at what the hell you did!" He was referring to the mountain of rubble that was blocking the entrance." Now how the hell are we supposed to get out? Or did you not think that one through yet?"

"….Oh. My bad, Yu-chan." Lavi grinned sheepishly up at Kanda, who was trying to keep from skinning the rabbit on the spot. Kanda's eye twitched, and he muttered something about his name not being that, before turning to Allen and Lenalee. Allen had grabbed the torch that was thrown at them, and it emitted a fiery glow, lighting up a small circle of light around them.

"Well one things for sure, this is probably going to be the only light we have here for awhile." Everyone nodded in agreement with Allen, and was silent for a moment. Then Lenalee spoke up. "So… what do we do now?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Kanda turned to look at her. "Since that pants-on-head retarded supposedly future bookman over there just blocked the only known exit, we just have to go farther into this damned cave." Kanda shivered. "God only know how long I can stay in the company of such wastes of gravity before I go stark raving mad."

"Gee, pants-on-head retarded, how long did it take you to think of that particular insult Yu. You can't already go where you already are, so I don't think that stark raving mad will have anymore of an effect then normal, homicidal swordsman Kanda."

"Shut it, baka usagi, before some tragic "accident" might happen in the near future. And I'll be nice and give you a heads up—don't sleep too soundly tonight." Kanda grinned "You never know what terrible accidents will happen in a cave. Of course, there couldn't be any witnesses…" He continued to talk to himself before Allen spoke hesitantly to Lenalee. "You.. you don't think he's already gone mad, do you? I mean… good for him for staying sane this long, but we kinda need his…." Allen seemed to be swallowing his pride. "His… we need his...I'm not going to say help, screw it, bloody hell, the man can't go nutty, cause I'm not going to lug him around if he's going to be useless twat half the time." To that, Kanda spun around to face Allen and started to walk towards him.

"What did you just say, Moyashi? Useless twat? Well, why don't _you_ be useful, and start trying to _dig us the hell out of here!_"

"That's not gonna work like that, Yu-kun, let me try." Lavi got up and calmly walked over to where Allen was standing. "Allen want sticky? Does Allen want the sticky?" He pointed to the pile of rocks "GO FIND STICKY BOY!" With that being said, Allen shot off a furious glare at Lavi before succumbing to the promise of 'sticky' and running to the pile of rocks and digging furiously. Dirt was flying everywhere, and the 3 stepped back to avoid being buried under it.

Lavi let out a low whistle. "Damn, never knew he'd go for that. He's kinda efficient at this, isn't he?" Kanda just grumbled. "Well, whatever it takes to get us out of this insufferable hole." Allen just dug on.

* * *

After around half an hour later, he seemed as though he could dig no more. It was understandable, seeing as how he'd been trying to get through solid rock at the last 5 minutes of that. He sat back and exhaled. "Well, I've found out 2 things. Theres no way out that way, and there's no stick. Oh, and for the record," He started glaring daggers at Lavi. "I hate you for blocking the entrance and giving me false stick hope."

"Hate's a strong word there, Allen, are you _sure_ you hate me?"

"Did I not make it clear? Sorry, but I hate you with a passion."

"… Well now you're just acting like Kanda. Are you gonna be Kanda the 2nd?"

"Are you going to stop talking before I remember excellent recipes for rabbit?"

Lavi just sighed, stopped talking and made his way to the makeshift camp. They had set it up during Allen's digging frenzy. It consisted of a torch propped up with rocks for the source of light as well as fire, and the 4's exorcist coats were laid around it, providing makeshift bedding. Allen followed shortly after Lavi, dusting himself off. "Where's Lenalee gone off to?"

"She's probably prowling around in the dark somewhere. Let's hope she brings back something _other_ than mice."

Kanda gestured towards the small but growing pile of mice. They were found in the cave, and Lenalee was trying to hunt them down some food. Kanda himself was trying to put them on a spit, cooking them over the torch. "If you wait for a little bit, the mice will be cooked, and then we can have some godamn food in this godamn place."

Allen just looked at him for a second.

"Kanda… you feeling alright? It… it isn't like you to be nice and cook things for others. I mean, I'm not complaining but—"

"Shut it, Moyashi, before I slice you into tiny beans for some side dishes."

"Ah. Well then, when you put it like that…"

Allen went to sit down by the torch. The moment he did, a shriek sounded throughout the cave, and he just bolted right up again.

"What? Was that Lenalee?"

"Probably walked into a cobweb again. It's a good thing she knows how to fight well, other wise—"

Lavi was cut off by a roar similar to the one they had heard earlier. And it definitely seemed unhappier then when they first heard it. The 3 boys sweat dropped, and Kanda spoke. "You don't think she—"

Lenalee shrieked again, followed almost immediately by the roar. All 3 started running in her general direction, tugging on their coats as they ran, the torch being held by Lavi.

"You think she's gonna be ok?"

"RAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!"

"Well, Allen, judging from that, I'm going on a 50-50 chance here."

"Of course you would. Stop being so useless, will you? Run faster."

Kanda looked back at Lavi to scowl, only to smash head first into a giant pillar. Lavi winced. "Oh, that's gonna leave a mark in the morning." Kanda just groaned and stumbled away from it.

"That's… that's what you think… baka usagi…."

He was rapidly healing by the second. Allen pointed towards the pillar. Or rather, one of the pillar, specifically the one with a Kanda-imprint on it. The entire room had rows upon rows of skyscraper sized pillars. They couldn't even see the tops of them, and the sides were about a mile around. "Don't tell me… that she's up _there!?" _A shriek from high above answered his question.

"Well then..." Lavi looked up and placed his hands around his mouth. "OI! LENALEE!"

Very faintly they heard her respond. "Lavi?" Lavi grimaced. "Oh goodie, field trip time. Now how are we going to get up there…?" Allen and Kanda just kinda looked at him, before Kanda moved forward to smack Lavi behind his head. "What are you, and idiot? EXTEND. And for god's sake, don't leave us down here again!" Lavi hung his head sheepishly before activating his innocence. "Little hammer big hammer, extend! _Extend!" _ Allen and Kanda had grabbed on and were hurtled upwards along with Lavi. They could hear Lenalee's shrieks a lot clearer now, as well as the roars that followed them.

* * *

When they reached the top of the pillar, they saw 2 things. The first, was a giant hell-beast, with fiery wings, a fiery whip and fiery everything, and it was on fire. It had giant horns that were close to his jaw. They noticed that after they saw the jaw open, emit a terrible roar. The inside was just a glow, like the beast was made from lava, or something. After the quick glance over, Lavi wrinkled his nose. "Ugh, you'd think there'd be giant sized breath mints. We should invent that."

"Yea, great thinking Baka usagi. Just for cases of _giant fire-breathing skyscraper monsters _you should always carry around _giant skyscraping breath mints._ _CAUSE THAT'S THE FIRST THING ON EVERYONE'S MIND WHEN THE SEE __SOMETHING LIKE THIS TRYING TO EAT THEM._"

"Geez Yu…. Way to crush a guy's spirit…"

"If it helps, Lavi, a breath mint was the first thing on my mind."

"Thanks Allen. See Yu? Allen gets it."

"IF IT HELPS LAVI—" Lenalee had run by screaming "YOU MIGHT WANNA THINK ABOUT KILLING IT!"

"Ah. Good point."

Lenalee had her dark boots activated, and was flying around the beast's massive head, hissing at it at random. It was trying to snap her out of the air, but she was too quick for it. It then went to whip her. She avoided it, but it smashed the floor in front of the guys, causing them to scatter in different directions.

"Well THAT certainly wasn't very nice."

"Lavi, now is seriously not the time for this."

"Well, if Yu insists."

"I heavily insist, now start fighting, damnit!"

Allen had already gotten his crown clown ready, and was slashing at the beast with his sword. Lenalee was distracting it, and Kanda was rushing in from behind it, trying to catch it off guard. It seemed like a good idea, and would have worked, if the Beast didn't whip its head around and engulfed Kanda in a ball of fire. "Oh man, there's no way he's _not_ going to become a Kanda Crisp." After the fire receded, Kanda stumbled out of the smoke, coughing up a storm. Lavi rushed over to him, leaving the beast to Allen and Lenalee.

"Yu-kun?! You still alive?"

"This… this just happened… not even 5 minutes ago… Baka usagi.."

"Oh. Right. Regenerative healing."

Lavi turned around, before just staring wide eyed at the Beast.

"Uh… Hey… HEY GUYS!"

"WHAT LAVI?" Lenalee was still flying around it head. "WE'RE A LITTLE BIT BUSY, INCASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED."

"IT'S THE _BALROG! _YOUR FIGHTING THE _BALROG!" _

"And how'd you figure that one out, baka?"

Lavi pointed to the back of it. It appeared to have on a collar, with a giant black dog tag which said: BALROG: IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO MINES OF AIROM

"….Huh. We never saw that why?"

"I dunno, but we need to get a tooth out of it. Any ideas?"

* * *

5 minutes later, Lavi was being dangled from his hammer, with the tweezers outstretched from his arm.

"That's right guys, keep him busy!"

Lenalee was directing the Balrog's attention away from Lavi-on-a-stick. Kanda and Allen were on the ground, trying to get it to open its mouth so Lavi could pluck one out. They had tried the blow dart, but it had just bounced off the Balrog's rough skin. Kanda had shook his fist in the air. "Curse you _scientists!"_. So now Lavi was precariously near its mouth, and at one point was actually inside it before he pushed off again. The problem was that every time it roared, the force of the air would push Lavi away, only to have Lavi swing back for another shot at it. It had been going on for at least a good solid hour, before Lavi made it back into the Balrog's mouth and it actually closed on him. Kanda climbed up the Balrog, stabbing his sword into its jaw. It, in turn, opened his mouth again, and a saliva soaked Lavi was pushed out before flopping to the ground below, his hammer changing back to a smaller size and landing somewhere behind the Balrog.

"LAVI!" Lenalee was shrieking again, and Allen rushed over to see if he was still alive. He was, but just thoroughly grossed out, and smelling terrible. He gave a half-hearted wave to Kanda before trying to find his hammer.

"If you want things done, do them yourself." Kanda was muttering to himself as he stepped up to yank a tooth from it. Well, that's what he would have done the Balrog hadn't closed it's mouth with Kanda still in it. Or rather, if Kanda still wasn't in the way of it's massive teeth. It clamped onto him, and the Balrog shook its head, Kanda's legs getting whiplash. It then opened its mouth with a roar, and he flew from it, landing near the edge of the platform. The Balrog chased after him, batting at him with his hands, before Kanda grabbed it and seemingly cut it off, toppling the beast into the darkness below the platform. Lavi, Allen and Lenalee all rushed over to help Kanda get back onto solid stone. As they neared him though, the fiery whip of the Balrog cracked over Kanda's head, before grabbing onto his shoulder and attempting to tear him from the precious hold he had on the platform. Lavi reached him first, grabbing onto his forearms and trying to pull him back up. Kanda gave him one last glare before snapping out "Fly you fools!", and the ledge he had a grip on crumbled beneath his slight weight. Lavi, still being drenched in Balrog saliva, lost his grip almost immediately, and Kanda fell into the darkness below, following the Balrog.

"KANDA! _KANDAAAA!"_

Lavi was screaming into the darkness, and Lenalee and Allen had finally reached him, pulling him back from the edge.

"Lavi, please, try to calm down. We don't need you going over the edge as well."

Allen was trying to talk sense into Lavi. Lenalee was trying to hold back tears.

"But…. You just don't understand, Allen, he can't be dead…. He… he just can't…"

Lavi had sunk onto his knees now, his ears drooping over his eyes. Lenalee had grabbed onto his shoulders and was crying into his back, trying to muffle her sobs. Allen cautiously walked over to the edge of the platform, and peered down. He stayed there for a little bit, before his ears perked up and he heard a faint thud near the bottom followed by and even fainter groan. "K…Kanda?" Allen shouted down, and a moment later heard his reply. Well, to be honest it was more of a slur of Japanese words that Allen heavily doubted could be said near a nun. He grinned, and looked back to Lavi and Lenalee.

"You guys want the good news or the bad news?"

Lavi just looked weakly at him. "Good…. I don't think I can tolerate bad news now…."

"He's alive."

They both looked at him with shock.

"Really? Yu-kuns not dead? Wait, what's the bad news?"

"He's alive."

Kanda replied faintly from the bottom. "I heard that Moyashi. You must have a considerable death wish, insulting someone on their deathbed."

"Well you're not dead yet, mores the shame."

Allen turned toward Lenalee and Lavi. "Well then, first things first, we need to get down there—and fast." He looked at Lavi. "Now would be a great time for your hammer. Again." Lavi got the message, activated his hammer, and slid down it like a fire pole. Lenalee followed, and then Allen. On his way down, he heard Lavi land, then another thud, followed by a "What in god's name is that _smell?" _followed by a sword being unsheathed, and then "Accept my dead friend back to life hugs, dammit!" Allen grinned, landed, and was faced with the scene of Lavi wrapped around a struggling Kanda, who was still healing, his coat all ripped and bloody. Allen could see his tattoo, glowing faintly. He also had a giant tooth lodged in his shoulder, smoking slightly at the end, with his sword about a foot away.

"Great to see you alive and kicking, Kanda. Hate to be the one that ruins the reunion..." Lenalee was now hugging Kanda. Kanda looked faint, but was still trying to squirm out of their grasps. "But we kinda have to get this tooth out…"

* * *

A nearly passed out Kanda and one hour later, they had gotten the tooth removed from his shoulder, and had thrown the giant tweezers out of the suitcase to make some room for it. "So…" Lenalee looked over to Kanda. "How did you survive that? That's almost 100 stories of sheer drop!"

"Do I really have to talk right now? I'm busy trying to, you know, _not_ faint from blood loss."

Lenalee widened her eyes, flattened her ears and looked cutely up at him, tail waving faintly in the background. "But Kaaaandaaaa" She then pouted and a tear dropped from her eye. "We were really worried… and we didn't know how someone could survive… so if you could tell us…"

Lavi snickered. "And the Grammy goes to—" before Lenalee turned, abandoned her cute façade, and shot a look that could probably kill, before growling. Lavi backed off, his hands up in the universal sign of peace. "Tch… You see the slash mark on the pillar?" They all turned to look, And indeed a long line seemed to mar the pillar. "I stabbed in Mugen before I fell, slowing down my fall. Landed on one of that stupid beast's tooth, hurt like one of Daisya's Karaoke nights." They all winced. At some point before his death, he took them all karaokeing one night. Allen was positive his hearing had never gotten back to being as it was before.

* * *

After Kanda had fully healed, they headed along a very faint trail that headed west. After many bridges, crumbling bridges, and small sections where they had to scrap alongside the wall for about a mile, they had finally reached grand doors with seemingly intertwined trees etched onto it, as well as an arch that had a different language on it. Surrounding them, were piles of bones, and holding up the archway, it seemed, was skulls. Lavi gulped. "I've seen unpleasant places, like Allen's room, but this one really takes the cake." Allen looked offended. "Its not _that _bad, is it? I mean.. I only chose it because it's the closest to the cafeteria…" Lenalee walked over to Allen and put her hand on his shoulder. "Its really bad, Allen-kun. We're sorry you had to find out this way." Allen hung his head and outstretched a hand to pull on the door handles. Surprisingly, they didn't budge. "What. Don't tell me I'm trapped in here

with a couple of raging lunatics for the rest of my life." Kanda pulled on the other door, and he and Allen both pulled as hard as they could. Eventually, Lavi and Lenalee joined in, trying to pull it open as well.

It wasn't until half and hour later, that they all sighed with exhaustion, and leaned against the door for a small break. The doors pushed open, and the 4 fell backwards, and were silent for a moment.

"You mean to tell me nobody tried to push it?"

"Geez Kanda, it was a push, not pull, after all. And I blame Allen for pulling first."

"Hey! Lavi, that's not fair, at least I _tried_ to do something first!"

"Like being first in eating everything in the cafeteria? We went hungry for _days_ Moyashi. _DAYS_."

"And you still haven't shut up about it…"

Allen grumbled to himself, before Lenalee righted herself, took a step, and landed right into a misty pool. She then promptly screamed bloody murder, for the second time today. "Its _just _water Lenalee, what are you screaming for?" Kanda hefted himself off the ground, as did Lavi and Allen, before they turned to Lenalee. Or rather, the giant tentacles that had hoisted her up into the air.

"Oh godamnit not _again."_

* * *

Ahhh its finished, finally finished... but anyway enjoy this cliffhanger, its the best possible way for me to end this chapter without another fight scene happening, lol. Also, brace yourself, a ton of words is coming. very sorry for that. :3

Anyway, what happened that i went AWOL for like, 2 weeks? Highschool. Highschool happened, and as i'm sure most of you are aware, senior years are hard as hard things. So i had little to no time to work on this, whilst keeping track of my homework. Also, couldn't work on it at night, there's this thing called rowing, and it starts up at 6. am. That's _before_ school, so i'm trying to maintain an early sleeping period so i don't snap and go crazy. You wouldn't like me if i went crazy. It's just be Lavi bunnies hopping around in open fields crazy. That's not a bad idea, actually...

But anyway, i _swear_ the next chapter will be the bunny foot one. I just haven't enough time yet to fully flesh out my idea's for it, so it either might be very short, or combined as one with the next chapter after it. It really depends though. Do you people like it better as one giant, long chapter that has a longer wait time? Or shorter chapters that may or may not come out weekly? Please tell me! it may or may not influence the future update schedule. I mean, just look at this one. Its around 5,500 words. Normally its a nice, quaint, 1,500 words. I can tell you exactly where i was going to break it off into 2 separate chapters, and that's when Lavi smashed the rocks. But i decided to make it one chapter, in case i couldn't get the second one out fast enough for it to make sense. So, enough of my rambling, but one last note: Please reveiw! its like your teachers assigning no homework and in turn gives you candy. And everyone likes candy, no?

Last note, i swear it: Its not the Balrog from Maple story, it from LoTR. And the places are totally not LoTR places spelled backwards. *shift eyes* And King Triton's trident just reminded me of a particular Disney movie... So maybe i won't use _that _ particular one... but i'm wondering if you guys were ever curious if a situation ever came up that Kanda had to wear a dress...? More for the next chapter, hopefully coming out next week! If not, never fear, it shall be in this month... at least there's that, yea? Oh, and for the sticky thing, thats what we would tell our Sheltie. "Wheres the sticky? huh? Go find sticky!" And she'd come back with a stick we could throw. So thats the story for that, maybe making more sense? anyway, carry on!


	6. Witch's Curse

**My god you guys. Its been more then one month. _I am so sorry._ And I could take up a full page of what has gone wrong with, well, anything and everything. But instead of me and my excuses, just _please_ don't throw things at me, and instead go read this chapter. Ok? Ok.**

* * *

Thirty minutes later, soaking wet and now cursing everything they laid eyes on, the four had finally finished defeating yet another Kraken, and lay panting far away from the shore line.

"Fantastic. Just fan-bloody-tastic. I'm never going to go back to normal at this rate."

Allen was muttering to himself, rocking back and forth gently. Lavi really didn't want to disturb the frail mental balance that the British boy had currently, so he wandered off, trying to search for some food to eat. Lenalee was currently trying to clean and dry herself off. The problem was, however, that she was trying to do it like a cat. And as flexible as she was, well, currently she had been trying to lick her back, but couldn't get to it without resorting to some freakish body bending ways. So she was rolling around in the dirt, trying desperately to clean the very middle spot of her back, before she rolled straight back into the water. That was when she jumped up almost a story high, tail fluffed up like there was no tomorrow, and scrambled towards the dry shore, redoing the process all over again. Not to mention she was just getting herself dirtier, but the guys really weren't about to interrupt her. They were really just too tired.

By the 7th time she had done that, Kanda had already chopped off some branches off with Mugen, and was trying to create a fire. The matches that were usually supposed to be used were soaking wet, and he had been resorted to using 2 stones, bashing them together for a spark. Allen, having regained some semblance of sanity, walked over to where Kanda was hunched. He noticed how primitive Kanda was being, and tried to throw in an insult before Lenalee walked over. "Kanda make fire? Good, productive Kanda. Kanda make fire." Allen patted Kanda's head, as one would a small child.

"Allen gonna shut up or else Allen's not getting anything to eat?"

Allen ceased the caveman talk, before settling down opposite of Kanda, on the other side of the pile of branches. "So where did Lavi head off to? I haven't seen him in awhile. You don't think some freak eagle ate him, do you?"

"We can only hope that the eagle was slow in eating him alive."

"Not in the best mood, are we now..."

"Oh, this coming from the guy who was speaking in 3rd person not even 5 minutes ago."

"I was just trying to dumb it down to your level of speech, BaKanda."

"Oh, really, well Moyashi, I hope you can understand this, why don't you go and-"

In the background, Lenalee had fallen into the water again, releasing yet another screech, rolling back onto land and cutting Kanda off. The 2 were silent for a bit, glaring at each other, until Kanda created a spark, igniting the leaves he had put as kindling. They both jumped up, excited at the prospect of being warm, before Lenalee strolled over, fed up with trying to lick herself clean, and shook herself, sending water flying everywhere. This killed the small flame that Kanda had tried to create for the past half hour. He slowly, silently, turned to Lenalee, a deadly calm aura around him.

"What. Have. You. Done."

She looked confused, before sitting down on the ground, and stared up at Kanda.

"Nothing. Why? Speaking of which, where's Lavi?" She shivered. "We could really use some of his fire here."

Kanda's eye twitched ever so slightly, before sitting down and sullenly staring at the wood. Allen looked around, before a worried look settled over his face. "I dunno…. You don't think he got lost, do you? I mean.. it _has_ been what, almost an hour since he left?"

"Maybe he actually got eaten." Kanda sighed in disappointment. "And to think I missed it. "

"Huh? Why would Lavi get eaten? Besides the fact, if he doesn't come back in the next hour, we're going to have to look for him."

Lenalee, now confused, sat down by the wood again, stared at it for a little while, before copying Kanda. She too, was smashing rocks together to create a spark, evidently tired of waiting for Kanda to create another flame. Allen just looked at the both of them from his spot across the wood.

"What? If you want something done, you have to do it yourself."

"Lenalee create fire? Fire go—"

His abrupt cut-off was caused by a rock thrown at his face, which smashed off of his nose, causing blood to spurt out of it like a fountain. "Fine. Be that way. See if I care." Allen held up his sleeve to try to stem the flow of blood, before Kanda shared a satisfied smirk with Lenalee.

"And this, Moyashi, is why Lenalee's the favourite."

Allen just grumbled, and picked up a couple of rocks to bash.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lavi was excited. He had wandered away from the group and had discovered a small cottage, across from the lake. But the cause of his excitement came from the fully blooming vegetable garden, ripe with tomatoes, carrots, lettuce, and the like. He promptly got down onto all four's and started to dig up some of the produce, nibbling on them as he saw fit.

After he had eaten his fill, he turned around to see what he had done. And it wasn't pretty. Piles of dirt were strewn across the garden, and almost all of the veggies had been dug up and nibbled at. Those which spared being eaten had been trampled. Lavi gulped, grateful for the seemingly abandoned cottage, and hopped over the fence to try to make a run for it. And that's when it went downhill.

*Twang*"….."

Lavi froze, and looked down towards the sounds origin. His foot had been caught in a thin, almost translucent wire. He cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. "Some bookman apprentice I am, can't even see a trap made for anima-" He was cut off by the ground giving way underneath him, a hidden net propelling him upwards. He was dangling about 10 feet off the ground, the branch of the tree another 5 feet up. In the struggle, his hammer dislodged from its holster to fall to the ground in plain sight to Lavi, as if mocking him. "Stupid innocence…. Supposed to be _with _your host… "It would have been the 28th time to date that his hammer had fallen out by inconvenient positions in battle. He made a mental note to ask Komui to add a strap to the holster. "If that doesn't stop it from falling out…. Nothing will." He also made a mental note to stop talking to himself. Really, it made him seem crazier than he was.

After an hour had passed, Lavi was bored. He had already tried to swing himself away, but ended up getting nowhere near the thick trunk of the tree. He had also tried reaching his hands through the net, trying to pull at the sting tying the net up. He had no luck in that, either. It had gotten to the point that he was trying to gnaw through the net. No use, it was made of some strong filament. He finally gave up trying to save himself, and yelled at the direction he thought the rest of the group was. No such luck of them hearing him, but when he finished shouting, his ears perked up, angled near the heavily wooded forest. He could hear soft footsteps, and a voice humming. Right away he classified it as a young girl. It was either that, or a boy with an exceedingly high voice. Lavi had made the mistake before. Awkward didn't even begin to describe _that_ situation.

But anyway, He was trying to scan the forest for the girl. "She must be, what…, 4 maybe 6 miles away?" Either way, the girl wasn't in shouting range. If she was, she would have probably heard him earlier. So there Lavi sat, swinging patiently, wondering if the others will notice that he wasn't there. He sure hoped they would.

* * *

One roaring fire, some fried up kraken, and 2 hours later, Lenalee suddenly bolted awake from her nap. "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WE TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT LAVI!"

"….. Huh. And to think I was enjoying a nice, non-interrupted nap without him here. And look! My hairs still straight and not braided in knots! _Fantastic_. I could really get used to this, you know."

"Kanda. Now is _not_ the time for sarcasm."

"Sarcasm? Lenalee, why _ever_ would I use sarcasm?"

"….."

She just glared at Kanda, before turning to wake up Allen. He was twitching in his sleep, whining almost, his tail beating against the ground. "Aww look, Allen's chasing squirrels." Lenalee gently shook his shoulder, and he startled awake, grabbing for anything, widely moving his arms around. He unfortunately grabbed Lenalee's tail, yanking it as hard as he could. Needless to say, she didn't really appreciate that. She scratched Allen across his face, hissing with indignation.

Allen blinked, before putting his hands up to stem yet another blood flow from his nose. Kanda was in the background, laughing while Lenalee had her tail in her hand, trying to smooth it from being fluffed up. She was crooning to it as well, and Allen just gave her a look.

"There, there tail, nothing to worry about. Mean old Allen won't touch you again."

"Sure. Be apologetic to the TAIL that doesn't have EMOTIONS, and blame the person who YOU woke up."

"ALLEN. HOW _DARE _YOU INSULT ! _AND DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE WITH ME!_"

"Now is really not the time to grow a backbone, Moyashi."

Allen pouted, and started to grumble under his breath. "Damned women…. Makes you feel guilty for something she did…" He curled back into a little dejected ball, and tried to go back to his nap_. Tried_ being the key word. As soon as he closed his eyes, Lenalee walked over to Allen, yanked his ear up, and then, in a voice pitch 7 octaves higher than usual, yelled some obscenities into his ear. That got him up again. And after a small argument, in which she won, the three of them packed up their camp and started their search for Lavi.

The search being, of course, Kanda holding up one of Lavi's socks with a stick, and waving it in front of Allen's nose. "You know guys, we're really taking me being a dog a little bit too-"

"Less talking, more sniffing."

Kanda's voice was muffled by him covering his mouth and nose with his hand. As high a tolerance he had for violence and gore, Lavi's week old sock was something else entirely. If Kanda could somehow bottle the stench and sell it as a poison, he would no longer be needing a job anymore.

'There would be so much gold, I'd be swimming in it. …. Then again, I'd have to get near it to bottle it…. Better not take that chance.'

Kanda was running thoughts through his head, while Lenalee was sitting far away, occasionally asking questions. They had to tie up Allen to a nearby rock for him to participate in sniffing it. He wasn't enjoying it much. Well, for the first few minutes, he had been knocked out by the mere stench of it. After a few more minutes of Kanda practically shoving Lavi's sock in Allen's face, his ears perked up and Lenalee came to untie him. She wrapped part of the rope around Allen's neck, as a make-shift leash. It was a good thing, because as soon as she undid the last rope, Allen practically shot off in Lavi's direction. Lenalee, having still a hold on the other end of the rope, was dragged behind Allen. Kanda just sighed, gathered everything up, and followed their trail. The moment he caught up, Lenalee shoved the end of the rope into his hands, leaving Kanda to be dragged behind Allen instead of her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lavi was being boiled. Or rather, as soon as the giant cauldron of water heated up to a boil, then he would be. An assortment of vegetables and herbs were strewn amongst him, floating in the pot as well. He had his hands tied together, to one of the side handles, and his feet tied together with a weight attached. The water, coming from the lake, was frigid cold when he first got dumped in. It was now lukewarm, and Lavi was trying desperately to talk his way out of the boiling pot. The one who put him in it was this weird lady, wearing a nightgown and cap, and was humming to herself while she chopped up more veggies. She had long, dark hair that ended about mid-shoulder, tied into a laid-back pony-tail, with midnight blue eyes. She was also about a head shorter then Lavi, and looked, well, young. In fact, the first time he had seen her, he was convinced Kanda had become a chick. So far, Lavi had deduced that she only called herself Granny. He really had no idea why, or how she called herself that.

The building, however, was just one room. If it could be described in one word, Lavi would have chosen eerie. Or his first choice, which was _oh-dear-god-what-the-bloody-hell-is-that-its-just-so-creepy-and-is-that-plant-alive-and-oh-god-please-oh-please-don't-murder-me-in-the-middle-of-some-unknown-woods-i-swear-if-i-live-I'll-never-tease-bookman-again-oh-god-i-just-want-to-go-home~. _It had the pot against the middle of the back wall, in a hollow carved out from the stone. A variety of weird looking plants hung from the ceiling, and some even running down the wall. Most of them even snapped at his head. Pushed up against the wall to his left was a counter, stretching from one corner, running alongside the wall to the next one, breaking in the middle for a small door. It had bottles and tools and books strewn across it, some emitting strange lights and clouds of smoke occasionally. There was no way it could be safe, it being so crowded as it was. The remaining wall had bookshelves lining the entire wall, save for the spot the bed was. It was just a single bed, with the sheets messed, and even more books on it, open to pages with strange runes on it. As far as Lavi was concerned, he was probably in the strangest place yet, and he needed to leave.

"Er… Granny, was it?

"Yes~?"

"These ropes… they, uh… seem to be not breaking as easily as I thought they would. So it would be just _great_ you untied them and let me go. Really, I won't be disappointed or anything."

She started laughing. Or what Lavi thought she was doing. It sounded more like a cackling then anything, really. Lavi winced. 'Well that's attractive.'

"You won't be getting out of those bonds anytime soon, lil'bunny-chan. They're magically enhanced, with several spells that make them unbreakable. That is, unless you're an experienced 80 year old witch like myself, and know how to undo it."

"You're a witch? And your _80?!_" You look 20. Tops."

She cackled again. "No, I'm just a social reclusive old lady, who lives in the middle of the woods and has a giant cauldron with a bunch of strange looking plants hanging from the ceiling. Oh, and 20? Why, thank you. It's because of all the worm guts dipped in snake venom on a full moon. Keeps one young, don't you know. But what did you think I was?"

"Kanda's long lost well-natured twin sister?"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. Wait, _worm guts?"_

"Key ingredient for vital youth looks. Everyone knows that."

Lavi was quiet, trying to keep down his breakfast. For a few more minutes he was silent, until she threw in the strange mushrooms that she had been chopping. He noticed that they turned the murky water into a glowing violet colour. Lavi vaguely wondered what it would taste like, and if he would start glowing after this.

"So, Granny, wanna let me out soon? The waters getting a bit warm, and I'd rather not, you know, be boiled alive and all."

"Oh, you silly rabbit, trespasser make a nice stew, don't you know. Just add a couple of more leeks to the pot here and…."

She drifted off, talking to herself again. Lavi, after a couple of more minutes, asked some more questions, trying again to talk himself out of this.

"So… a little old lady like yourself couldn't possibly eat all of this. I mean, I'm not that fat, but I'm not exactly the skinniest rabbit-human-hybrid around here."

"You're absolutely right." She turned around to look him in the eye when she said that, and promptly swung back around to chop up more onions. "Which is why I have my granddaughter coming later this evening. We're having a feast, don't you know, as soon as she brings back some eye of newt, and a couple of frog tongues. They taste just like chicken, don't you know."

"…Chicken? Really?"

"Why yes, silly rabbit, what else would they taste like?"

"Well, off the top of my mind, maybe, I don't know, eternal damnation, lives of a thousand sinners, maybe prunes?"

The old lady had stopped listing, and had stopped chopping onions, and had moved on to celery.

"it's the prunes, isn't it. You evil person you. How do you sleep at night?"

"With relative ease, thank you very much."

"That was a rhetorical question."

"Always have to have the last word, eh little bunny?"

"Why yes. I do enjoy telling people I'm better than them."

"Could you, I wonder, get the last word if I gag you?"

"…..Point taken."

"That was a rhetorical question."

"…..fine then. Is your granddaughter also a witch?"

"Why yes, glad you asked. It skips a generation, of course, so my own daughter didn't inherit magic. But little Rose did, and I'm so very glad. She's very adept at it, you know, makes me so very proud. She's a little bit dim-witted though. It's good that she's pretty, else she would have nothing to go on."

She continued chopping in silence for a couple of minutes, before someone knocked on her door.

"Ah, that would be Rose. It's a shame I couldn't cook you faster, bunny-chan. No one likes to wait for food, you know."

Granny waved her hand, and the knife started to chop the veggies by itself. She then walked over to the door, and opened it up wide, her arms outstretched.

"Rosie! I'm glad you coul-" The witch stopped in mid speech, and took a look at the girl in the doorway.

"…..Uh….. I don't think we've met before."

A very confused Lenalee stood there, a dark blue cloak with a hood covering up her and her cat ears. Beside her, sitting on the ground, was Allen, his tail hitting the dirt as it wagged. He looked pleased with himself, before remembering what he was doing, stood up and brushed himself off. He too, pulled up his hood to cover his ears, before the witch saw them. Kanda was behind, tangled up in Allen's leash. He hopped around for a bit, trying to keep his balance, before falling over face-first into the ground. Lavi grinned. He really enjoyed it when others did something wrong. Kanda, arms trapped in the leash, had stopped trying to struggle against the rope, and was trying to gnaw himself through them, before reverting back to worming around in the ropes. Lenalee, on the other hand, was still confused, and outstretched her hand.

"Hi. I'm Lenalee, and this" She gestured to her side, "Is Allen. We we're wondering if you knew where our friend is. He's about yay tall with red hair and… uh… bunny ears. Really, you can't miss him."

"Hmm…" Granny looked thoughtful for a minute, before shaking her head and reached for the door. She stood in a way that blocked anyone from looking in casually. "Can't say I've seen someone like him around here."

In the back, Lavi scoffed and yelled out "LIES!"

Lenalee tried to peek her head in. "What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing at all, dearie." She waved her hand and plants from the ceiling wrapped around Lavi's mouth. "Shame about your friend though. Such a shame… did you make sure that the Kraken didn't get him? Can't be too sure about lake Krakens. Temperamental things they are. But anyway, hope you find your friend. Bye-bye now!"

Granny moved to close the door, before she came face-to-face with a shiny blade stuck in the doorway. Kanda had finally untangled himself. A bit of rope caught in his teeth explained how. He spat that out before turning back to look at the witch, his ears pressed flat against his head. "Mind if we take a look around? Really, it'll just take a second. Besides, the innocent shouldn't have anything to hide."

"Kanda! We can't just barge into people's homes! I'm sorry ma'am, He gets a little... well, stubborn sometimes."

The witch wasn't listening. She had been staring at the cross emblem on Kanda's coat, before looking intently at his ears. They were still pressed flat against his head, with Kanda making snarling noises, teeth bared slightly, tail swishing angrily against his legs. She reached out a hand as if to touch them, only to snatch it back at the last second. Her expression changed completely, a warm smile graced her face, and she snapped her fingers. Behind her, a dull glow shined for a minute, before dimming, leaving a freshly-baked cookies smell. She stepped back and held her arms open again. "Welcome to my humble house, do come in. Call me Granny, would you like a cookie?"

"Er… I think we should be on our way now…"

"Lenalee, not now. Did you say cookies? What kind?"

Allen's stomach growled, and the witch tilted her head. "Why, the best kind you can imagine! Do come in, won't you?"

Allen pushed past Lenalee and Kanda, making his way into the room, leaving Lenalee looking more confused than ever, and Kanda still snarling. The witch turned back towards the door.

"Well, don't just stand there! Letting the heat out you are. Besides, if you stand there for too long, you'll catch a cold. In you go!" She ushered them in, grabbing their wrists and pulling them in the house, before the door behind them slammed shut. The interior now looked like a comfy home, with a full kitchen in one corner, a small table stretching out from it. A couch was seated in the corner beside it, with a rocking chair that had some knitting on it. A small table between the 2 had a basket of yarn, the needles sticking out. Over on the next wall, was a bed pushed against the side, with a fluffy quilted comforter. Instead of a cauldron, there was now a fireplace in the hollow on the back wall. Assorted pictures lined the walls, with antique looking plates and paintings. All in all, it looked _nothing_ like it did before.

As Lenalee and Kanda wandered into the main space, Allen had gone straight to the kitchen. On the table was a huge pile of cookies, almost reaching the ceiling in height. He looked mystified, before jumping into the pile, sanity be damned. Various munching noises could be heard in the middle of it. Lenalee wasn't paying attention. She was focused on the way Granny was looking at Kanda. Actually, Lenalee did a double take. The 2 really did look almost identical, save for Kanda's ears and tail. They were both scowling at each other, before Granny reverted back to her warm smile, and pulled out a chair. "Do sit, you must be so tired." This was followed by her tripping Kanda into the seat, and pushing it straight up to the table, were Allen was now lying face down in a pile of crumbs, eyes almost closed, his hood off and his tail wagging slightly. "Man…. They're must 'ave been something in the cookies…. 'cause I'm just super sleepy right now…" Allen finished the sentence with a yawn, closing his eyes and snoring softly. Kanda just 'tched', and made a movement to get up. Granny placed her hands on him, and with surprising strength, forced him back into the chair. She offered up a sickly sweet smile. "Now, now, no need for that nonsense. You see, " She snapped her fingers and ropes wound themselves around Kanda's arms and ankles, pinning him to the chair. "I'm very… what you would say, _interested,_ in what you have. For instance, I know earl-sama has a very keen interest with us killing exorcists…I mean, that's what we were created for, but I'm just so very _fond_ of hybrids. Why, I even created Princess Fluffy outside, the Lake Kraken! But no, you… you're such a nice specimen…. I couldn't let the earl have you. Oh no, why, I might keep you as a pet, even! How does that sound?"

"…..Like you're really asking for a bruising lady."

Kanda tried to struggle against the bonds, reaching for Mugen.

"Oh, were you looking for this, perhaps?"

Granny twirled Mugen in her hands, before throwing it in the corner of the room. "None of that, now where were we? Ah yes, keeping you as a pet. I mean, its not every day I get another chance to experiment on animal-hybrids."

Meanwhile, Lenalee had walked up to the pictures lining the walls, observing them. After a couple of minutes, she had stopped in front of a worn frame. The first thing she noticed was the odd top hat. It had fluffy pink sheep lining the rim of it, and even had one jumping over a small fence. The second thing she noticed sent her into a panic, and she stumbled away from the photo, kicking her Dark Boots into life. She then ran straight into Granny, knocking her away from Kanda and into the table onto the floor, in turn, knocking the still-sleeping Allen onto the floor. "She's with the earl!"

Kanda's voice seemed to be dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, _really_ Lenalee, how'd you figure that out? Was it her monologue about dissecting me, perhaps? Or maybe when she flat out admitted she was create by the earl? Was it then you realized?"

"She told you?"

"We're literally in the same room, _and you didn't hear anything?"_

"Er… no, sorry Kanda. I was looking at pictures, and then there was this giant bug, and I had to, you know, murder it before it could wreak havoc, or take over the worl-"

"Lenalee, NOW IS NOT THE TIME."

"Well fine then, Mr. I'm-always-grumpy-pants"

"Just…. Just untie me. _NOW._"

Lenalee scowled before walking back to Kanda and un-doing the ropes around his wrists. She got one undone, before a gleaming red slipper hit her in the side of her head. It didn't look like much, but it shot Lenalee across the room, into one of the paintings. The paintings surface briefly rippled, before breaking into large chunks, one of which Lenalee picked up and hurled back at the witch. She dodged, and ran at Lenalee full tilt pinning her against the wall. She struggled against her before pushing her off, kicking her into the fire place. Or rather, through the fire place. The witch had seemingly disappeared into the back wall of the hollow. A crash sounded through the room, and what had been the pleasant room before was now what it used to be. A witches hut with multiple strange plants hanging down from the ceiling. And Allen, just waking up from his food-induced nap, sat up surrounded by eerie looking fungi, insects, and worms. In some cases, there was flat shaped biscuits decorated with them. He took one good look at it all, remembered how much he ate of the supposed 'cookies', and ran to the nearest trash can to, well, toss his cookies. In the meantime, Kanda had un-done himself from the chair, grabbed Mugen and unleashed his hell-insects. As soon as they were near a foot where the Witch was, they wavered before disappearing.

"Oh, good idea Kanda, use magic against a WITCH"

"Isn't she an Akuma?"

"Well…. Yes…. But a witch one!"

"What? How does that even work?"

"It's her power. Duh. Like Eliaid's bubbles of doom."

"Well fine then, at least it's better than tackling her to a wall, at least I'm strategizing!"

"Oh? And who was it that was tied up not even 5 minutes ago?"

"Tch, at least _I'm_ not the one currently trapped against a wall."

"WELL THEN _HELP ME."_

"Or, you know, you two could stop arguing, and untie me before I become food. Oh, and if it counts I'm slowly being boiled alive. Just in case you wanted to know. No hurry though, take your time."

Kanda whipped his head toward the direction of Lavi's voice. He had bitten through the plants to speak, but they had wrapped around his mouth again. Kanda 'tched' again, before slashing Mugen through the ropes binding Lavi to the pot. Or rather, that's what he would have done, if Mugen had gone through them. His innocence reflected back, and Kanda was flung to the other side of the room, sending down bottles of strange looking liquids, that combined, shattered into misty rainbows. Kanda shook his head, sending droplets of potion everywhere, before getting back up. Lenalee had thrown the witch across the room, and was now trying to fend off the plants wrapping around Lavi using a pair of shears she had found lying near a potted tree.

Kanda got into his fighting stance, and was about to aim a hit at the witch, before she turned around, and burst out laughing. He heard Lenalee emit a shocked gasp before she too, started giggling. Allen in the corner spared a glance towards him, before breaking down into laughter, cluching the sides of the bucket once again. Kanda was confused, until Lavi, the vines now away from his mouth thanks to Lenalee's efforts with the shears, stopped laughing enough to throw an insult Kanda's way.

"Pink's a nice colour for you Yuu, you should try to wear it more often."

"What the hell are you talking about, you infernal-"

Kanda was cut off by the fact that A) He looked downwards and B) The shocked expression on his face sent Lavi into gut-bursting laughter, effectively drowning out anything else said. Because of the strange potions lining the walls, and the fact that he had been covered in the stuff, Kanda had turned an array of pink. Where the potions had splashed on him, he had changed colour. His normally dark clothing were splotched with bright pink. Even his hair, he discovered, was varying between bight bubblegum pink and his normal midnight colour. Not even his tail had been spared, it had developed a raccon like pattern on it, rings of the horrid pink every inch or so. His eye twitched, and he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, no sounds being emitted, before entering a deathly calm state completed with an insane smile. Everyone was silent but the witch, who seemed to have no idea what she had just gotten herself into and was still bent over laughing. She composed herself, before sealing her fate with a small quip.

"Do you know what time it is, Mr. Wolf?

"…Time to die, Akuma"

"And how are you gonna do tha-"

She was cut off by, well, Kanda running full speed towards her. He looked as if he had had enough, and was making mad slashes in the air before one of them connected and sent her flying, smashing her up against the wall and turned into ashes, crumbling into a pile onto the floor next to Allen. He looked up, deathly pale from all the up-chucking, before smile weakly. "Guess you found her weak spot. And to think it wasn't water."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing Lenalee."

Lenalee turned back to Lavi, and resumed tearing away the plants confining him. When she finished that, off went the ropes tying him to the pot, and he lept up, knocking the huge cauldron over in the process. To say that there was water everywhere was an understatement. It had flooded over 3 inches of the floor, covering it in an assortment of strange herbs, along with all the things the witch had chopped up before hand. The strange thing is, the water kept trickling out, as if the pot was trying to refill itself with water. Lenalee had shrieked, and climbed up a bedpost, tail fluffed up, back arched, while batting at the floor. Lavi grinned sheepishly. "Oops."

"Oops? You insufferable, idiotic, loose-brained, _baka usagi_, you've flooded the place, made Lenalee practically useless, and to top it all off, revived the witch, and you say oops? Damn you usagi. "

"Oh. Oop—"

Lavi was cut off by a flower pot being thrown at his face, the flower in said pot snapping at his face as he ducked out of the way.

"Well, in my defense, that was way too easy of a death for her _not_ to revive. I'm being helpful, really."

In the background, the witch had revived into… well, herself, but with a witch hat and dark robes, her skin slightly tinged green. "You fools! This isn't even my final form!"

Lavi and Kanda just sighed, getting into a fighting stance before rushing at the witch. Or rather, where the witch had been. She appeared behind them, snapping her fingers and vines wrapped themselves around the duo, stopping them in their tracks.

"Oh great, not this again."

"Shut it usagi, this is all your fault."

"MY Fault? How is this _my_ fault?"

"Well if YOU hadn't wandered off, we wouldn't be in this mess, now would we? Not to mention the only other capable exorcist here that _isn't _puking up strange things is up on a freaking bedpost swatting at a damn liquid!"

"Well excuse me, princess, but if I didn't-"

Lavi's words were cut off by an explosion of dark smoke. Once the smoke had cleared, where the witch once stood was Allen, wrapped in his Crown Clown, the bucket hanging off of one of the tendrils and his sword pointed in their direction, a piece of dark fabric impaled on it.

"Shut it, both of you. And the only strange thing I puked up, _bakanda_, was a slinky. So _there_. Don't write me off just yet, I can still fight. If I can keep down Master's cooking, I can keep down half of those… _things._ But only half. No use digesting rusted nails…. Nothing ever good comes of that."

Kanda just scowled, and Lavi smiled. "Well, better you eating that then us, considering your history. No offense Allen."

"None-taken, you eye-patched jerk, Also, someone's coming up to the door. I think it's an intruder. Maybe a mailman. Smells like the Akuma I just took out, but I can't be sure, she's not close enough. "

"…..Crap. That's probably the akuma's grand-daughter, Rose. I remember Granny talking about her, how she was coming to visit soon."

"Hey…. You think she'd be able to get Kanda back to normal colors? No offense Kanda, but you in bright pink is something that not even my darkest nightmares can handle."

"Heh… are you saying pink doesn't suit Yuu-chan?"

The next sentence never came, as Lavi hit the floor to avoid Mugen chopping his head off, soaking himself in the process.

"Er… " Allen cleared his throat, "Well then, let's go greet her."

"Moyashi, wait. If that really is her grand-daughter, then she's probably an Akuma as well. And probably the same ability, if the witch was teaching her. That conversation is going to end well. 'Have you seen a witch here?' 'Nope, sorry kid, we kinda stabbed her a couple of times to keep her dead, but it was nice meeting you! Oh, by the way, if you're not too busy, we need you to undue a potion. No rush, take your time. Also, don't mind Lenalee, she's just gone a bit insane. But like I said, take your time."

"Well then, what's your great idea, Bakanda?"

"….."

"Exactly."

Kanda swore before practically stomping back to a chair and sitting down, arms folded across his chest, his ears twitching. Lavi had yet again disappeared, and Allen stood near the doorway, torn between answering it when the kid witch came, and prying Lenalee off the bedpost. It was a minute before Lavi popped back up, holding a floral patterned nightgown with a matching cap, a grin on his face. "Fear not guys, for_ I have a plan!"_

Kanda gulped, sensing some-kind of impending doom. In the distant background, he swore he could hear violins screeching.

"It's simple Kanda. Since you look so much like Granny, we dress you up like her, cover your ears, stick you in the bed, and say that you've come down with a cold, and that the potions you took changed you to a different colour, and that you need a cure. And voila! She makes us a cure, you return to regular scary-Kanda instead of frightening-pink-Kanda, and then we all leave this place like this never happened, maybe checking the list to see if we need anything here."

"I'm sorry, _what?_ There is no way in _hell_ you're putting me in that _thing_ you call a dress. I still have shreds of my pride left to salvage, damnit."

"Your pride dissolved the moment you turned into the world's most vivid exorcist, complete with a tail. Now get into the godamn dress Yuu, or so help me God, I will knock you out and do it myself."

"_Do it. _I _dare_ you, lay one hand on me, and I swear to-"

The words died in his mouth as Lavi covered Kanda's mouth with a cloth. He had been roaming around the cabin, and sprayed something on it earlier. Kanda resisted for a moment, before passing right out, slumping against Lavi. Lavi brought him down on the floor, before throwing up a grin to Allen.

"You heard that, he practically told me to. Anyway, care to help me humiliate Yuu?"

Allen smiled evilly, staring down at the now-sleeping Kanda. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

It had taken them almost 3 minutes to strip Kanda out of his coat and boots, leaving him in just his pants and sleeveless shirt. They figured that they were tight enough that they wouldn't show from under the nightgown, and if worse comes to worse, they didn't want a naked Kanda running rampant if he somehow woke up and tore off the dress. His ears were un-ceremoniously shoved into the cap, and they propped him up onto the bed, fluffing pillow around him to mask the fact that they had also tied him down. It served 2 purposes. The first was that they needed him to lie still when the kid witch came in, making it easier for her to treat him, and for her not to notice his tail. The second was that if he at any time woke up and noticed what he situation he was currently in, Lavi and Allen decided that by the time of awakening and the time of Kanda breaking the ropes, that they would be far enough away to be safe from harm, Lenalee could fend for herself.

Speaking of which, Lenalee had moved from the bedpost to curl up top of the bookcase, eyes still watching the 3 inches (and rising) water on the floor as if it was going to attack her at any minute. Not knowing what was in the cauldron, she might have had the better idea. Lavi and Allen stuck to arranging the place back to being semi-presentable. It didn't look perfect, but considering what they had to work with, it was the best they could do. They pushed all broken bottles, chair legs, etc. under the bed. It was their definition of cleaning. The water, well, it was going to have to find a way to get itself out. Further inspection of the cabin revealed a witches broom….. and that was about it. Nothing to mop up the water with. Not even the smallest rag that they could have used to soak some it up. And so they stood, feet submerged in water, until 2 things happened. The first is that the kid witch, Rose, was at the door, and had begun pounding it. Not knocking, but physically smashing her fist against the door, humming merrily. Lavi and Allen froze, ears perked up, eyes locked to the door that was just barely holding itself up. The second thing, was Kanda's groan. Slowly, the 2 boys turned their heads in his direction. He seemed to be regaining consciousness. It only took a few seconds for him to notice that he was tied down, and for him to start struggling against the bonds. "What the _hell_ is going on here!" Kanda began to swear profusely, the sheer force of it making Lavi and Allen cringe. Drunken sailors, they learned that day, had absolutely _nothing_ on Kanda.

"Crap."

"Couldn't have said it better myself Allen."

"It's his healing thing, isn't it"

"Really is a curse."

"Here, I'll go get the door, you get a frying pan or something to knock Kanda back out again."

"Er…. Or _I'll_ get the door, and _you_ can knock Kanda back out. There's no way in seven hells I'm getting close enough to that _thing_ to bash him on the head, no matter how much I want to. It's just not worth my life."

Lavi gulped. They were running out of time. The pounding was taking the toll on the door, splinters off wood flying off occasionally. That was the lesser evil, compared to Kanda. His teeth were in a snarl, and he was _very_ close to snapping the bed frame before murdering them all. His swearing, while bad to begin with, could make the Earl blush. And in the midst of it all, Lenalee had decided to take a literal cat nap, curling up on the bookshelves and sleeping through it all.

The door, seemingly had had enough of being wailed on, emitted some type of dying door noise, before a loud crack was heard, the door now half of what it used to be. Dust and water went everywhere, raising up enough covering for Allen to shove Lavi in the general direction of Kanda, claiming that he already had a hammer to knock him out with, as Allen sprinted to greet the person who had just knocked down their door. He knew that Rose was a tad bit younger then Granny, but he still didn't expect to see what looked like an 8 year old girl with shocking red hair, strung up with ribbon for pigtails that curled down to her shoulders. She was dressed in a small red dress, with puffy sleeves, a high neck, and the skirt that stopped just before her knees, black shoes completing the look with ruffled stockings. She had a red hood and cloak on, with a darker pattern of roses stamped in crimson on it. Wide brown eyes looked up at Allen, as the young girl before him clutched a small teddy bear, one of the eyes on it hanging off by a thread. "Um…. Hello mister doggy… is my granny home?" Allen gulped. He had forgotten to pull up his hood, and was unsure how the witch's apprentice would react. The witch herself just went a little bit, er, insane over it. But the girl seemed un-affected by it, and was just looking up at his ears. "Why, yes she us, and if you wait just a little bit, you can see her soon."

The girl stomped her tiny little foot. "No, I want to see her _now!"_

Allen cringed, his delicate ears folding almost flat against his skull. She really did have a high pitched voice. "Well, she can't really see you right now, so maybe if you wait just a little bit…"

"NO. I said I wanna see her NOW." Various crashing noises and swearing was heard behind Allen. He tried his best to block to block the view from the little girl in front of him. "Well she's busy right now. So no can do."

"Well, just LET me _in then._"

"Can't do that either I'm afraid."

"Well you're just a meany-head." This was followed by the girl sticking her tongue out at Allen.

"Oh yea? Well you're a small-"

Behind him, a loud smack was heard, cutting off the mumbled swearing behind him, as well as Allen himself. A few short milliseconds afterwards, Lavi snuck into view. He had already thought about the ear factor, his scarf wrapped over his head as an impromptu hood. Lavi smiled, and practically pushed Allen out of the way, murmuring "You're arguing with an 8 year old. _Let it go_." Opening what was left of the door, he gestured for the young girl to come in. The door, having a few steps leading up to it from the inside, was higher than the water covering the floor. "You're looking for your granny, correct?" The girl just nodded her head, hugging the teddy bear tightly. "Well then, I'll take you right to her." As Lavi held on of the girls hands to lead her to Kanda, she looked back at her shoulder, sticking her tongue out at him for a final time, before a smirk came across her lips. Allen sighed, before rubbing at his temples. Kids hated him. He really had no idea why, but they hated him.

The girl was mainly quiet, and seemed to be accepting of the fact that her feet were covered up in water. She didn't seem to notice Lenalee, which was good, they guessed. As Lavi brought her up to the now unconscious Kanda, she emitted a high pitched giggle of some sorts, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Gran-grans gone all pink~"

"Er…. Yes, yes she has. And she told us to tell you that she, uh, can't remember how to make the antidote for it! So it would be a real favor to, er, Gran-gran, if you could cure her!"

"Ah~ I see, well that's easy, I'll be just a sec!"

The girl was now running around the cabin, grabbing seemingly random things, before pushing the cauldron upright and throwing even more things in. The liquid in the pot turned a violent shade of pink, before reverting back to dark green as she frantically stirred it, chanting some sort of spell over it. It went on for a couple of minutes before the potion turned into a glowing green. The kid witch then gestured for Lavi.

"We need to get Gran-gran into the pot. I can't leave the pot right now, could you go ahead and wake her up?"

"Uh…. Does Granny really _need_ to be awake for this?"

"Not really, but I don't think I can carry her over by myself…."

"Not a problem."

Lavi grabbed Allen's sleeve before walking over to where bright pink Kanda was still unconscious. They debated for a moment, before Allen carefully slashed off Kanda's restraints, and Lavi made sure his tail didn't fall out of the floral print monstrosity of a dress. Then they just looked at each other before Allen grabbed his ankles, and Lavi hauled him up by his torso, and they practically sprinted to the cauldron on the other side of the room. It wasn't until they were about to throw Kanda into the actually pot, that he started to wake up. And wake up he did, bursting out of the cauldron, water flying everywhere, and the night cap floating in the pot. A seething Kanda was glaring daggers at the person in front of him, that person being the small child who was overly delighted at seeing that the potion worked.

"Gran-Gran! Your better! But my, what big ears you have!"

"They're for when I want to hear someone beg for mercy." Kanda practically snarled out the sentence, water dripping off him, the pink slowly fading.

"And my, such big teeth you have!"

"They're for ripping off every limb you possess, slowly and painfully."

"And Gran-gran, such large vocabulary you use!"

"I'm just going to go ahead and kill you now."

Allen, however, was impressed. He'd never seen someone withstand more than 5 seconds of Kanda's fabled killing glare. He had heard that after 3 seconds of exposure, a finder once died. He didn't belive it up until now, but that little girl was his hero, considering how long she had survived. Rose was completely oblivious to it, it seemed. She just smiled, and until Kanda knocked the cauldron over for the second time, she just tilted her head and said in a deathly calm voice: "You're not Gran-gran."

Lavi gulped. Allen paled. Lenalee stretched out of her nap. And Kanda…. Kanda just smirked.

"Oh? Didn't you get the memo? I believe it went something like 'Ding dong, the witch is dead'".

"Oh. Did you kill her?"

"No, but I sure as hell helped the process along."

"Ah, I see then."

It was then the girl started to laugh. And it wasn't a child's giggle, or anything like that. It was a full blown insane laugh, and it only took 10 seconds for everything to turn, yet again, completely insane

The first thing was Kanda yanking his sword out of one of the carnivorous plants mouths. The second was for the young witch to start chanting, raising a couple of inches off the ground while dark storm clouds gathered over her head. The third was for Lavi and Allen to exchange a glance, before the simultaneously agreed on one thing: They needed to get the hell out of there, and they needed to do it _now_. The fourth was Lenalee trying to do her best impression of a statue. She was just standing still, the water had seemingly gathered around the witch, and was looking un-blinkingly at everything around her. It wasn't until Lavi and Allen passed by her, each of them grabbing one of her arms to haul her out, did she finally blink, and then just started asking questions. "And exactly _how_ _long_ was I asleep again?"

"Not that long, maybe a couple of minutes."

"Allen, the last time I had my eyes opened, the place was definitely _not _trashed like Cross's room, and Kanda was most definitely _not_ wearing some floral nightgown, and I'm pretty sure people don't age backwards, so we definitely got a new witch. And while I'm on the topic of the witch, she's like, what, 10 years old? We're fighting a _10 year old _and _nobody _thought 'Oh, geez, this seems kind of messed up, maybe we should take a step back and rethink our options here'? Or a better question, _AM I SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENT FOOLS WHO CAN'T THINK BEYOND BASIC INSTINCTS OF EATING, SLEEPING, AND FIGHTING?!"_

"Oh I'm sorry, but remind me again, _who was it that decided to take a catnap in the middle of investigating, HMMM?!"_

"Oh, rich coming from the person that ate suspicious food like it was going out of style!"

Allen turned slightly green. Lavi just sighed. "Come on guys, am I really going to be the responsible one here?"

"_SHUT IT LAVI, THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU."_

"And now you're teaming up again to yell at me. Fantastic."

By this time they had already reached about 5 feet away from the cottage, when the whole thing blew up in thick black smoke, the dust settling to reveal Kanda, in a now tattered nightgown, staring down Rose, who had somehow aged 20 years in the process, her curly red hair now short around her face, and in a long red dress, with the crimson cloak still on.

"So, someone wanna grab Kanda so we can get out of here?"

Lavi's question was met by the brief chirping of crickets.

"Ah. We do this the easy way then. We let them fight it out, and then we can move on."

"I'll go get some popcorn."

"And just _where_ are you going to find popcorn in the middle of the forest Allen?"

"What can I say? The nose knows. It'll lead me somewhere."

"You have 24 hours to never say that again."

Allen backed away, before solemnly repeating it again. "The nose knows."

Lenalee and Lavi just looked at each other, before sitting down a reasonably safe distance away to watch the battle. It looked like it was between an insanely gender confused wolf, and some girl who looked like she was on fire. For all they knew about her magic, it could be true.

* * *

2 hours into the battle, and there was still no decisive champion. Allen had somehow gotten popcorn, but they had ran out of it about the half hour mark. And so they sat, until Lenalee had the bright idea of: "If the witch is supposed to die, then why did we just send only Kanda instead of all four of us fighting her at once?"

"Wasn't that because of something about Kanda's pride?"

"Allen, I'm pretty sure he lost all of that when he woke up in a dress."

"Ah. Well, then, what are we waiting for?"

The three then charged into the battle, executing a quick series of attacks that, after all the dust had settled, left the witch tied up onto the remains of the chimney. The witch was not amused.

"CURSE YOU!"

"Tch. You can't curse me, I heal too quickly for that sort of nonsense."

"Oh… Well then, I CURS-"

"I'm going to go ahead and say cursing me probably won't be effective, seeing that i'm, you know already cursed."

"Seriously? Well then how about-"

"Oh no, don't you even think about it. I was asleep for half the time that this entire thing was going on."

"…Fine then. Be like that. _ Ahem, _CURSE YOU EVILY DOER, MAY YOUR LUCK BE TURNED TO MISFORTUNE FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE!"

"Uh, sounds like a marriage proposal. In that case, i'm not about to seal this with a kiss, because frankly, lady there are things called breath mints, and I think that they'd be pretty beneficial for you, and honestly, do you even floss twice a da-"

"CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUU"

Lavi winced, as an un-familiar burning sensation crawled up on his left ankle, leaving behind a design that spiraled outward, an upside down star in the middle of it.

"We should probably go before she gets herself untied."

"Yea, uh, Kanda grab Lavi. Based on experience he probably won't be able to walk with a curse for at least a couple of hours, Lenalee and I will grab the supplies."

"Why can't _you_ grab him?"

"Lavi's too tall for me to handle."

"Oh, right, it's because you're too short."

"SHUT IT BAKANDA, I'M NOT A DWARF"

"Tch, Baka Moyashi, no one ever said anything about you being shorter than a—"

"Guys, this is seriously _not _the time to be arguing."

"…..Fine."

Lenalee, after ending the bickering, rounded up the rest of their things. She was in the midst of packing up the ingredients, when the check list fluttered out from the pouch. "Well I'll be damned."

"Trust me, it's not a pleasant feeling being damned."

"Well it's a good thing you got cursed Lavi."

"What? _Why would this EVER be a good thing?"_

"Because item number 6 is a cursed rabbits foot."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope. Its right here 'Item #6: Cursed rabbits foot'. Awful convenient, isn't it."

"I'm telling you right now, there's no way that you're chopping my foot-KANDA I SWEAR TO GOD, PUT MUGEN DOWN."

"But we need it for the-"

"_KANDA"_

"Tch. Fine, have it your way."

* * *

**Alright then, let us begin the pages upon pages of apologies that i have created for you. *sweat drop*. At 1 am, its too early for good apologies. So here goes: I'm really_reallyreallyreally_ sorry! I thought that i would have it up by then end of November, and then things happened, and then there was exams, and now that everything technological isn't threatening to spontaneously combust, i feel pretty good about the next chapter being up sooner than later. At least, there won't be that much of a wait like there was between these two chapters. **

***cough* Anyway, this isn't the best chapter i've cranked out. Its seems to be all over the place, but hey, for being re-written 6 or 7 times (see spontaneously combusting electronics above) its not too shabby. A couple of things different, like the beginning and end notes being bold, and that absurdly long piece without line breaks in the middle. Coming in at 17 pages, this is the longest chapter up to date. I miss it when there was little more then 3-5 pages. Awell. Maybe next time i'll break the 10, 000 word cap*. Maybe i'll break i when i finish typing up the end note. Maybe. Anyways, as always thank you so much for all your reviews, favs, follows, basically anything that you click on, i appreciate them so much, you wouldn't even believe ^w^ . Ah, carry on, and i swear upon my gaming consoles that the next chapter will be up within the month. Maybe. *_is shot_* Alright, fine, probably.**

_***i totally just broke 10, 000 words with the end note. High fives all around!**_

_**...No? Alright then, carry on! *shuffles** **away***_

_**** I also really wanted to make a comment about how my update schedule resembled the actual D. Grayman update schedule, but i couldn't find a place to fit it in, so here we are. Um, cream puffs anyone?**_


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